Finding Your Way Back Home Where Your Heart Is

Since starting "Messages for Women" I have been pleasantly suprised with the men in my life wanting to help. I am not sure if it is simply the fact that it is for women only, thus the elimination of them makes them want to be involved. Or the fact that if women help each other, a certain amount of responsibility to fill our needs will be released from them, providing a sense of relief.

One of my closest male friends and I got into an interesting conversation just the other day. He indicated that he sees my initiative as a way to get back to basics of traditional roles that men and women have that are based on our inherent natural skills and desires. After a few minutes of discussion we concluded that men are born naturally to provide and protect. And women are born to connect and nuture. He went on to say that he really wants to receive that female nurturing and connection and really has the desire to provide and protect. He has been looking for it his whole life and is having a difficult time finding a women who is open to receiving it. He also went on to say that he is always willing support and encourage (which he does for me) women to have meaningful careers and that does not need to change the natural difference between how men and women show love. I do agree that men can love but do show it much differently. He may be on to something (by the way ladies he is single).

What I am hung up on is whether most men want to show their love through providing and protecting. I realize that it just may be my experience. Most of the men in my life (from my father to my current husband) up until recently have not shown this desire. After spending Thanksgiving with my 18 year old son I just might have seen some natural instincts come out that might prove me wrong. This is the first year that he has come to visit versus living in my home. He is now a man. I felt some changes in him. I can feel his desire to provide and protect through the change in his priorities and by what he is needing from me. He asked me to teach him to cook. He asked if I wanted some chocolate ice cream and wanted to stop at the store to bring it home for us. He asked several times what our plans were and was eager to help. He is no longer shy about hugs and "I love you's" (even in front of his friends-well except for writing on his wall in Facebook-off limits for me). He has always had a soft heart so this is not a surprise. It just seems to have presented itself openly so quickly.

So maybe my friend is correct. Men do naturally want to provide and protect. And maybe over the last 50 years; during women's bra burning, bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan, has left men confused. Maybe I have not experienced the giving of this desire in men in my life because I was too busy to receive it??

So the question we must ask ourself, "How do we support men in finding their way back home to where their heart is?" For me I am getting back to basics and natural instincts; connecting and nurturing.

I am sorry I burned my bra

The other day an amazing friend of mine shared this story. A couple years ago she decided to give the mortgage business a shot. Yes, a tough time to start given what was just beginning to happen in the industry, but she was determined to give it all she had. She had been struggling for a few months getting business generated along with handling the learning curve. Like most of us women she was determined to do it all, successful new career, supporting wife and phenomenal mother. One morning she had to drag herself to work. She had been up most of the night with her sick daughter. Instead of taking the day off, she was determined to build this new business so off she went with bags under her eyes. Within a couple hours a coworker, a generation older, made her way to her desk. She interrupted her and said, “I am sorry”. She preceded to say she was a feminist in the 60’s and burned her bra to put the women of today in this place and for that she is truly sorry.

My friend looked at me and said, “Are we suppose to believe it was the fault of the women before us?” I responded with a flat NO. We are evolving and that was an important era that was to happen exactly that way. What is most important is that we stop this phenomenon with our daughters. It is imperative that we show them that being a woman does not mean we do it all at the high price of losing ourselves. They do not have to live with the mantra: We bring home the bacon; we fry it up in a pan and never never let you forget you’re a man. When and where did we decide that our natural instinct to nurture was not enough? The answer is not important. What is important is that we do have breast and that whether you wear a bra or not does not define who we are. With the support of one Mother to another Mother, we can begin accepting our mind, bodies and spirit just as they are. Don’t you think the world could use some nurturing?