Holding Back My Love

Yesterday my husband and I were attending our monthly couple’s therapy session. The group discussion was on differences and similarities within each couple and what are the one’s that bring to the relationship the biggest challenges. Like always it was great to hear the other couples perspectives and it is always good to hear that the same challenges exist within most couples.

When it was my husbands time to share he admitted that he often holds back saying nice things about me. He admitted that he knew that I have a need to feel special and noticed by him. He confessed that he often gets the urge to share and then purposely holds back because he is mad at me. He explained that my desire to be connected to him as a couple overwhelms him and he retreats and blames me for being needy. Of course this deeply saddened me. Initially I felt bad for him. The pain he must be in holding back love. To think of all the love that comes back his way that he does not get a chance to claim because of not being in a loving place. How sad it must be to be in his shoes. Then a light bulb went off. OMG I do the same thing. After some reflection I realized I hold back love too but just slightly different. When I am angry I hold back physical attention. I stay as far away physically as possible. I make up excuses to go to work early and make appointments when I know that he may be around. When I am angry I can still say nice things because that is easy for me. I do this naturally. But simple hugs, feet brushing against his in bed, bumping into him lovingly making dinner NO WAY! Why? Because I know he needs physical touch. It is so interesting how we see things in others that are in ourselves. Yesterday may have been painful but I have so much gratitude to God for giving me the chance at intimacy to see the lessons that come my way. And once in a while I have the courage to learn from them. That is life.

Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.