Being the Right Person

How often have you heard someone say they are single because they have not found the right person? The relationship could work if I found the right partner. This is often how we think about relationships, whether it is a romantic relationship, business partner or simple friendships. What we are really saying is that we do not want to change. If someone is going to be in our life, they have to fit us. Is this truly possible? Do we really want someone that is exactly what we want that fits us and we do not fit them? I heard this great statement a few weeks back and I have been using it daily. Here is goes: It is not as much about finding the right person, as it is about being the right person in a relationship. Wow! Now that means something totally different. Next time you are frustrated with how someone in your life it acting. Turn it around and say, "Am I being the right person in this relationship?” Is what I am hoping for from them something that I do? I can guarantee you that this will make you see the other person’s behavior much differently. We often fantasize about perfect relationships. This is great. Dream on. However, ask yourself who someone needs to be in this "perfect" relationship and are you acting that way? You have to be the right person in a relationship before you can see it in someone else. That may not change the other person. They may not be the right person. But I can guarantee that if you practice being the right person the other half will show up and your dreams then will come true. Try this exercise (and then make a list of your own).

Instead of: Replace with:

I want a best friend I am a best friend
I want to be loved I am loving
I want to be respected I am respectful
I want to be valued I value others
I want to be thanked I express thanks to others
I want to be hugged I give hugs generously

The Ego Talks the Heart Walks

Today will go down in history. Yesterday the people of American spoke. We are all created equal. Each of us will mark that day our own way on our own life timeline. For me my son's first time voting changed the course of history. His vote counted. On a very personal level my life was also touched directly. My new initiative "Messages for Women" began. On that day I received my first message from a woman who wants to inspire another woman (click to the right to give an inspirational message to another woman today).
So what is now in store for our country? What is in store for each of us? Was it enough to vote for change and not do anything else? People are talking about "The Shift". We even heard those exact words on the TV networks last night. It has begun. The ego lost. The heart won. Enough of people talking about what to do but doing nothing. Now our work begins. Each and every one of us has a huge responsibility to do something everyday for change. There are no excuses as to why we can't. I encourage you to start today. Do one thing that will change someone's life. Every action from the heart is extraordinary. You are extraordinary give today. Barak Obama represents us but will not do it for us. Never forget his words, "yes WE can".

Friends For Life

Have you ever declared a female friendship? Really asked another woman to be your friend? Ten years ago I was really missing female kinship. I was in the mist of running a real estate and mortgage company. Most of my peers were men and at my office I kept my relationships arms length (at that time in my life I believed that business and personal was better not to be mixed). I was attending a business seminar and was sitting next to a guy who I had just met. Over break he mentioned a friend of his from San Francisco. He said that I reminded him of her. He went on to say that she had mentioned to him that she was looking to meet women that she could be friends with (not necessarily just business). He asked if I was interested. Being from conservative Minnesota this type of directness threw me a little. At my age do you really ask someone to be your friend? Well I was looking for a woman friend that I could connect with too. So I agreed. He said, "Great she will be waiting at the woman's restroom during break". And he went on to describe her as a fun, smart "wine” gal (she was married into a vineyard family in Sonoma). It was as if he was selling me on the idea of being her friend. It felt very deliberate. I liked a fine glass of wine so what the heck.
I did meet her at the restroom during break and we connected immediately. We both committed to each other to be friends right there on the spot. Friendships with women for me had always just been assumed. Instead of committing you tolerated. That day we both wanted the same thing, friends for life. This friendship has made me realize that committed intimate relationships are not necessarily romantic. Most women expect the majority of their needs to be filled by a man. Is that realistic? During the past 10 years she and I have been there for each other through divorce, birth of children, marriage ups and downs, business woes and opportunities (oh and a few glasses of wine) and the gratitude that I have for the guy who introduced us is enormous. The feeling of comfort I have when I think of the having someone there who understands me has given me strength that I had missed in my life prior to meeting her. I owe a huge thank you to the "wine" gal who had the courage to ask for a friend. Thanks for being in my life Gina. I love you.

Why Women End up Alone

Did you know that if you and your male spouse are the same age you have 93% chance to out live him. And do you know that you will out live him by 13 years. This statistic has been sitting on my mind since I first heard it 3 years ago. I look at myself, my Mother and numerous friends and wonder what it will look like. And the alarming thing is how we all live our lives every day without planning for that. I once heard the statement, "men are not a financial plan". OK I get that. But what do we do about it? I also ask myself about the emotional as well as the physical aspect of that outcome. Do we have the emotional support group we need when this happens? Where are we going to live? Are we going to live alone? Is that financially feasible? What I do know after visiting countless senior housing facilities, women out number men in the later years of life 10 to 1. I have great vision as to what is possible. However this has to be done with our input as women and the sooner the better. I would love to hear your thoughts. Please don't be shy.

What are we really afraid of?

I just read an email from a friend that was asking to watch a video on Obama. The video was of an attorney explaining why Obama can not run for President because he is not a natural born citizen. The overall concept was descrepencies on his birth certificate. Yes if you involve a lawyer they can prove almost anything. So here is a statistic for you:

The difference between China and the US.
The top two layers of government in China consist of approximately 24 of which approximately 21 are engineers. Hence the innovations and growth that China is experiencing.
The top to layers of government in the US are 100% attorneys.
Hence why the US is stuck.

This drives fear in others because the thought is that the attorneys have all the answers. There is no reason to fear change. It will happen whether we resist it or not. And it is just the beginning. Reach inside your heart versus listening to this rhetoric.

And you can be assured that this change we will be experiencing between now and 2012 has VERY LITTLE to do with the election. The time is perfect for the shift of operating from the left side of the brain (ego) to the left side (devine love). All the attorney in the US won't be able to stop this. The future is bright.