Celebrate Lives Transitions

I am reading a great book by Barbara D’Angelis called, “How Did I Get Here?” Our lives are full of turning points. Times that come that quite frankly feel like being hit by a freight train. These are times we call unexpected and inconvenient. These are the times that after we have shed tears we can still feel the pain in our chest. Making the logical response, “how did I get here and what is the purpose”? What we tend to forget is that these are also the time of amazing growth. I want to share this story with you.
A woman who always considered herself clever and capable died at the end of a long life and found herself waiting for an interview with God. Time seemed to be nonexistent as she waited alone in a light filled room with no ceilings, walls or floor. “What will God ask me?” she wondered. “I was never much of a deep thinker. What if he asks me about the meaning of life? I won’t know what to say. I could always tell the truth. I was too busy being successful to think about that kind of thing. After all, my accomplishments have been very impressive and even God should be able to see that!”
With intense concentration, she tried to recall all of the marvelous things she had achieved during her lifetime, so she would be prepared to talk to God. Suddenly God appeared before her and sat down next to her. “It is good to see you, “God began. “So tell me, how do you think you did?” The woman breathed an enormous sigh of relief to hear that this was the question God was asking. She was sure she could answer this right. Feeling confident she began: “Well, I thought you might ask that, so I’ve made a short list. I wanted to own my own business so I could have a flexible schedule for my kids and become financially successful, I did that wanted to put my children through college and I did that too. I wanted to own a luxurious home, and I did that. I wanted to learn to play golf and I did that. I wanted a cabin up north so I did that. Oh, I can’t forget this one, I wanted to donate money to worthy causes on a regular basis, and I did that.” The woman felt quite satisfied with herself, hearing her own list. Surely God was going to be proud.
“So in conclusion,” she declared, “I would say without wanting to brag, that I did very well, considering I accomplished most of the things I set out to do. But of course, since you are God you knew all of this already.” God smiled kindly at the woman. “Actually, you’re mistaken.”
“Mistaken?” the woman asked. “I don’t understand.” “You are mistaken, “God repeated, “Because I wasn’t paying attention to the goals you achieved.” The woman was taken aback. “You weren’t? But, I thought ….” “I know,” God interrupted. “Everyone thinks the better their life went, the more successful their life was. But it doesn’t work that way up here. I didn’t pay attention to all the times you got what you expected and hoped for, for that wouldn’t teach me much about what you were learning in your earthly existence. I was watching you most closely during all those difficult times when you encountered the unexpected, the things you did not plan on or want to happen. You see, it is how you dealt with these that reflect the growth and wisdom of your soul.”
The woman was stunned. She’d gotten it all wrong! She’d spend her whole life trying to do everything right. “How should I know what lessons I learned from life’s difficult moments?” she wondered in a panic. “I never even liked to admit I had any problems. What am I suppose to tell God now?”
For a moment, she was speechless, but I was never one for enjoying defeat, she soon got a second wind of energy. “Don’t just sit here!! She told herself firmly. “You never lost a negotiation on earth. Try again!” Gathering up all of her confidence, she began once more:
“Well, to tell the truth, God, I was just being polite before. Actually, my life was hell! What hardships, what disappointments, what tests and trials! Let me tell you about the time my mother-in-law moved in with us. And then there was the time I passed kidney stones. And my youngest son, he was nothing but trouble. And my husband, don’t get me started on my husband or I’ll be here forever ….”
“Take your time, “God replied. “I’m in no hurry …..”

Where Are My Mighty Queens?

This past week I had the chance to meet Amy Dickinson. She is he columnist for the Chicago Tribune (she is syndicated as well) that took over for Ann Landers. Her column is “Ask Amy”. She has recently written a book called, “Mighty Queens of Freeville”. The book is her story of moving back to her home town after being away the majority of her adult life as a successful professional writer raising her daughter as a single Mom. Not knowing what to expect returning she realized that she had missed the unconditional love and support of the women from her hometown. All the years alone she missed the advice from a special group of women who understand the daily struggles of women. This got me thinking about my own mighty queens.
I remember my high school click. Is that my mighty queens? From what Amy explains your mighty queens do not judge. In high school they judged. How about my women relatives? Amy explains that this group may in fact include relatives. Hers does. A might queens group is inclusive versus exclusive. It is a group that puts time aside for each other on a consistent basis. That is not my women relatives. The closest I can come is women network groups that I am involved in. The problem with these groups is that they are exclusive. In other words you belong to the group if you are an accepted member. There is nothing unconditional about it. Not to mention to admit to a business group that you have daily struggles (no matter what they are) would be a sign of weakness. Who wants weakness in business? Especially if you are a woman. So I conclude that I do not have my own mighty queens.
I have always been proud of the fact that I am a strong woman who can do things on her own. But after meeting Amy and contemplating what I may have missed I want to go to Freeville. When I feel alone I want a group of women that I can look forward to having lunch with. When I am struggling with my career I want a group of women that I can bounce ideas off from. When I miss my son who is off at college I want to have a group of women I can cry in front of. When I was going through a divorce I now know it would have been comforting to have women to turn to. So a trip to Freeville is on my “to do” list. However, I am not sure that Amy would be receptive to waves of women heading to her hometown. So creating a mighty queens group of my own in Minneapolis will be my next project. Anyone interested?