God Has Always Been There

God doesn’t give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need – to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

When I first read this a few months ago what stood out was the people given to me that hurt me. The question I kept asking myself is, “God give me a break and send the ones who love me and want to help me – I don’t know how much more I can take”.

It is my son’s 20th birthday today and I realized today watching him be the amazing person he is that he loves me. His love has made me the person I was meant to be. The interesting thing is that a few months ago he loved me and I was the person I was meant to be then as I am today. So did God just send me him today? No God sent him 20 years ago. I just choose more often then not to see the fear versus the love. I get stuck in negativity in a tunnel vision of emotional pain. I was and I am accepting of the person I am from the pain I have endured. What about the women that I have become as a product of all the love and help that I get everyday that I may not notice?

Who loves me? I can think of dozens of people and it makes me feel warm and strong. Who has helped me? I am overwhelmed with a sudden feeling to cry. I think of so many people who have been there for me just in the last week let alone my entire life. My daughter, my husband and my partner at work have all seen me struggle and offered to help me this past week without me having to ask. And when I think back over the last 15 years in my real estate career the list would take hours to write. I have always felt fortunate with opportunities that have left me with wanting to help others in return. So this has also made me who I am and plays a huge role in who I am meant to be. God has always been there. Now it is time for me to see all of the positive gifts that have been sent my way and are yet to come through those that love and support me.

The Day "I" Got God

Several years ago my friend Joe was conducting a seminar and I witnessed him coach a woman who was experiencing some real emotional pain. She had indicated that she was “stuck” and that she did not understand why. She went on to share that she loves helping people and does so all the time and just does not feel that it comes back to her. Joe asked her if she was open to learning about herself and she said “yes”. In front of hundreds of people I witnessed a woman evolve from a state of fear to love. Joe asked her to describe how it felt when she helped someone. She said she loved seeing the smile and joy on their face when she did something that really was special that she was confident she could give. She went on to say that the feeling that she gets doing things for others was the sole reason for her getting up everyday. Joe then asked her how she felt about others helping her. There was an awkward silence and a major energy shift. I could see and feel the fear in her. She began to describe how she is a very independent person and can do most anything by herself and that she liked it that way. She did not want to be a burden to anyone. There was utter silence in the room. Joe asked her if there are people in her life that may want the opportunity to feel the way she does when she gives. He than asked if she was possibly denying her loved ones the chance to feel this love that comes from giving. She began to cry.

Since that day I have watched that scene over in my head thousands of times. It is better to give then to receive. My own character has been built on these words. In fact, I have been told that I give too much at the expense of my own emotional well being. What is the saying, “too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing”. Living out of balance has been hard work that has not gone without pain for me and for my loved ones. Every time I thought I was open to receiving my ego would turn up the volume. It would say, “Don’t get use to it they are just going to leave anyway”. Then a follow up to that of “you can do it yourself you do not need anyone anyway”. I have done so much self improvement work and all it seemed to do is help my ego create new and more logical variations of those words. The end result always being the same, my loved ones felt shut out, exhausted and hopeless.

I was baptized as an infant raised and confirmed in the Lutheran faith and have always believed in God. However, I have grown over the years more and more frustrated with organized religion. I always strive to stay non judgmental and from my personal experience with organized religion it is just a matter of time before you discover that they have “the right way” to feel God. They make you feel that you do not have the power to find that within yourself and that is control. God is about love and there is nothing loving about control. I will admit that I do believe that some of the techniques they use to assist you in managing your ego (some organizations may refer to ego as the devil) are interesting. For me one tool that resonates is prayer.

So I have tried praying over the years. And what I found is that it leads to asking for “things” rather then stay focus on loving thoughts. I have tried various affirmations that I have picked up over the years listening to spiritual leaders. I have been attracted to this on and off for several years now with no luck of consistency until April of this year. This has been a tough year. My son going to college left me feeling that a part of my heart went with him. My career of being in real estate has been suffering from a financial meltdown and my husband of not even two years has asked to leave so many times so many different ways that I began to not listen. This built a wall that was so tall and deep that prayer just did not seem big enough to tear it down.

Then I got a message from God from two friends about praying. I had met Lois at a couple’s seminar weekend in February and we had a few connections via email after the seminar. I mentioned the struggles my husband and I were having and she said she would pray for us. Then a couple weeks later after a conversation with my friend Liz she said that she would pray for my husband and me as well. At that moment I thought of Joe and the coaching session with the women who could not allow any one around her the chance to help her. I immediately got it. The answer for me is prayer. I have read both of the emails from my friends numerous times taking it in my heart. I then came up with 6 daily prayers having to do with peace, love, faith, and being open to receiving. This time the difference was praying for the ability to receive as a base. Now I can give with the power of being open to receive and the knowledge that some might not be in the place to receive which to me defines unconditional love.

My therapist the other day asked me why I think “I” get God this time. My answer was quick. I now get prayer and how that allows me to reach to God and then to others through God. And that this is my tool and not necessarily everyone’s. I left my therapist’s office and heard the new song by Beyonce' called Halo (lyrics below). I had heard it several times over the previous two weeks and at the time it made me think of my husband and what I would like to say to him. But the words now hit me hard and I immediately starting crying. The words were no longer meant for my husband. They were meant for God.

I feel things more clearly after I pray. The sky seems bluer, sounds seem so crisp and my ego is quiet. I can still see pain but it is no longer within myself. I see it in others and my heart starts pounding like it wants to jump out and help. And then I remember that the person whose pain I see may not be ready to receive. And until they do, my job is to love, support and appreciate what they are trying to give me and the gift I can give them is to receive that unconditionally. So is it really better to give then to receive? Are you giving others around you the chance to love you no matter where they are on their healing journey? Are you giving and loving unconditionally? Is it time to take down your wall?


Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they’re tumbling down
And they didn’t even put up a fight
They didn’t even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It’s like I’ve been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin’
It’s the risk that I’m takin’
I ain’t never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You’re the only one that I want
Think I’m addicted to your light

I swore I’d never fall again
But this don’t even feel like falling
Gravity can’t forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I’ve been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin’
The risk that I’m takin’
I’m never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see you halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
Halo, halo

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo

Celebrate Lives Transitions

I am reading a great book by Barbara D’Angelis called, “How Did I Get Here?” Our lives are full of turning points. Times that come that quite frankly feel like being hit by a freight train. These are times we call unexpected and inconvenient. These are the times that after we have shed tears we can still feel the pain in our chest. Making the logical response, “how did I get here and what is the purpose”? What we tend to forget is that these are also the time of amazing growth. I want to share this story with you.
A woman who always considered herself clever and capable died at the end of a long life and found herself waiting for an interview with God. Time seemed to be nonexistent as she waited alone in a light filled room with no ceilings, walls or floor. “What will God ask me?” she wondered. “I was never much of a deep thinker. What if he asks me about the meaning of life? I won’t know what to say. I could always tell the truth. I was too busy being successful to think about that kind of thing. After all, my accomplishments have been very impressive and even God should be able to see that!”
With intense concentration, she tried to recall all of the marvelous things she had achieved during her lifetime, so she would be prepared to talk to God. Suddenly God appeared before her and sat down next to her. “It is good to see you, “God began. “So tell me, how do you think you did?” The woman breathed an enormous sigh of relief to hear that this was the question God was asking. She was sure she could answer this right. Feeling confident she began: “Well, I thought you might ask that, so I’ve made a short list. I wanted to own my own business so I could have a flexible schedule for my kids and become financially successful, I did that wanted to put my children through college and I did that too. I wanted to own a luxurious home, and I did that. I wanted to learn to play golf and I did that. I wanted a cabin up north so I did that. Oh, I can’t forget this one, I wanted to donate money to worthy causes on a regular basis, and I did that.” The woman felt quite satisfied with herself, hearing her own list. Surely God was going to be proud.
“So in conclusion,” she declared, “I would say without wanting to brag, that I did very well, considering I accomplished most of the things I set out to do. But of course, since you are God you knew all of this already.” God smiled kindly at the woman. “Actually, you’re mistaken.”
“Mistaken?” the woman asked. “I don’t understand.” “You are mistaken, “God repeated, “Because I wasn’t paying attention to the goals you achieved.” The woman was taken aback. “You weren’t? But, I thought ….” “I know,” God interrupted. “Everyone thinks the better their life went, the more successful their life was. But it doesn’t work that way up here. I didn’t pay attention to all the times you got what you expected and hoped for, for that wouldn’t teach me much about what you were learning in your earthly existence. I was watching you most closely during all those difficult times when you encountered the unexpected, the things you did not plan on or want to happen. You see, it is how you dealt with these that reflect the growth and wisdom of your soul.”
The woman was stunned. She’d gotten it all wrong! She’d spend her whole life trying to do everything right. “How should I know what lessons I learned from life’s difficult moments?” she wondered in a panic. “I never even liked to admit I had any problems. What am I suppose to tell God now?”
For a moment, she was speechless, but I was never one for enjoying defeat, she soon got a second wind of energy. “Don’t just sit here!! She told herself firmly. “You never lost a negotiation on earth. Try again!” Gathering up all of her confidence, she began once more:
“Well, to tell the truth, God, I was just being polite before. Actually, my life was hell! What hardships, what disappointments, what tests and trials! Let me tell you about the time my mother-in-law moved in with us. And then there was the time I passed kidney stones. And my youngest son, he was nothing but trouble. And my husband, don’t get me started on my husband or I’ll be here forever ….”
“Take your time, “God replied. “I’m in no hurry …..”