My daughter Krista was born September 26, 1995. She was screaming as soon as her head appeared. The doctor said, “Mom you better say something to your daughter to let her know you are here”. Since that day I have poured so much love and energy into my relationship with her. Before she was born I admit I was afraid that I would not have enough love for a second child. I loved my first born so much that it was hard to imagine that there would be enough love for her.
What I came to realize soon after she was born is that I had plenty of love left for her. Over the years Krista has required more attention then my son. It has been a lot of work, however the benefits I have received from the relationship was more then I could have ever imagined. So I continued to give her as much attention as was emotionally and physically possible. We enjoy a lot of the same things and have developed a very special mother daughter bond. This has not gone unnoticed. I have had numerous comments from others on how close we seem; how special that is and how envious they are.
This past year has been full of challenges and serious changes for Krista and our entire family. She started a rigorous private college prep high school and we moved leaving her to meet new friends. She was elected team captain of her volleyball team and ended the year on the highest honor roll. Her father began a serious relationship which for being a “daddy’s girl” was a tough one to handle. She overcame the fear of losing her father to a new woman and made numerous new friendships with kids I would have chosen for her. She has been there to comfort me through struggles that I have had personally. She has made decisions as a 14 year old that at times seems almost unbelievable. To the outside world (including me) all of this success was definitely amazing and had not gone unnoticed.
Krista began losing weight noticeably summer of 2009. She had grown a good 5 inches over that past year and with all the changes that she was going through and the busy schedule; I did not think that it was unusual. Krista continued to lose weight and lost her period by fall of the same year. I had a conversation with my doctor and she indicated that it is common when girls grow that fast that their period will come and go until the growth stabilizes. In March of this year I saw her come out of the shower and I had to hold myself together as not to let her know my breath had been taken from me at the sight. Krista had lost 30 lbs in 15 months. My daughter was literally disappearing before my own eyes.
Reflecting back over the past year I recall numerous times that Krista would ask if I was mad at her, if I still loved her and if I loved her brother more then I love her. At the time I attributed these comments to typical teenage emotional challenges. What I now know is that my love was not enough. Was she born knowing that I was afraid there was not enough love for her? Could she feel that when she was inside me and has she felt that way every day since? How can someone love someone so much but it just makes the other person want to disappear because it’s not enough? Can you love someone to death?
As a family we are committed to loving and supporting Krista. We are getting professional help for her and like everything else she has accomplished she will overcome this challenge and I am confident that she will grow from the experience. This leaves me with the ultimate question that I will struggle with in years to come, how do you love someone to life?
Showing posts with label definition of unconditional love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label definition of unconditional love. Show all posts
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Someday you will have someone that will love you how you want to be loved. If it was yesterday - learn. If it is tomorrow - hope. If it is today - Cherish.
After I read this for the first time I said to myself, "I guess I am in the "hope" category. The little girl in me went right to my husband and I began to feel sorry for myself. Then I gave it some time and reread it several times. I asked myself whether it was true that no one has loved me the way I want to be loved.
Several people came to mind. As soon as I gave up the thought that this had to mean romantic love my heart filled with joy. Last night I had some friends over and I felt so much love. I am so fortunate to have true friends that love me the way I want to be loved. Maybe a friends love comes first before a lovers? God works in mysterious ways.
After I read this for the first time I said to myself, "I guess I am in the "hope" category. The little girl in me went right to my husband and I began to feel sorry for myself. Then I gave it some time and reread it several times. I asked myself whether it was true that no one has loved me the way I want to be loved.
Several people came to mind. As soon as I gave up the thought that this had to mean romantic love my heart filled with joy. Last night I had some friends over and I felt so much love. I am so fortunate to have true friends that love me the way I want to be loved. Maybe a friends love comes first before a lovers? God works in mysterious ways.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Miracles and Wisdom
My friend and mentor wrote this. I just had to share:
As human beings, we have the incredible blessings of a fantastically designed body and brain and the ability to develop a powerful mind within the structure of our brain. It is amazing that a child’s heart starts beating in the womb about three weeks after its conception. What a series of miracles come together to form the life of a new and absolutely unique human being!!
Certainly the mother and father of a new child have no knowledge of how to build a heart, a brain, an arm, a digestion system, an eye, an immune system or any other part or function of a human being!! The miracle of a child’s fantastic creation is a testament to a powerful force in the universe which many call Source, God, or Creator. And miraculously, every new and unique child has a very complex genome system. We now know that 99.9% of all human genomes are identical for all human beings who have ever been born anywhere on planet earth. All humans are FAMILY if we mean by FAMILY having a tremendous amount in common, at least at the structural genome level.
A child’s brain weighs about three-quarters of a pound at birth and reaches a maximum weight of about three pounds at age twelve. Fully 17% of all of the billions of neurons in a child’s brain are connected at birth (by NATURE). Therefore, by NURTURE, the remaining 83% of all of the billions of neuron connections are formed over the lifetime of the child. The fastest rate of growth of the neuron connections occurs from birth to five years old, the most critical period of NURTURE. Additional neuron connections occur throughout a person’s lifetime. The pre-frontal cortex of the brain is the section which controls wise decision-making skills is far from fully developed at age twelve, as parents of teens can well attest. At the present, medical research has found that humans are capable of building new neuron connections in their brains throughout their lives.
A human being’s mind is developed within the brain and contains facts, information, experiences, knowledge, memories, fears, confidence, human-to-human relationship skills, fantasies, creativity, imagination, and so on. Parents, the child’s first teachers in the first five years of their lives, have a fantastic influence on the early development of a child’s mind. Children are copycats, and therefore they learn incredibly from the good and bad examples of their role models - their parents. Parenting is a very great honor and a very great responsibility.
Researchers have found that the most critical variable that determines a child’s success in school is not their intelligence at age six, but rather their self-discipline and self-control. Self-control is a skill generally learned in the first five years of life with the help of calm, loving and nurturing parents. Children depend on the role modeling and parenting that they receive from their parents, especially the NURTURE in their first five years of life.
The major milestones in a successful life are: a) learning to love and be loved, b) learning self-control and good behavior, c) learning kindness and respect for others, d) learning to listen, speak, read, write, think analytically, and think creatively, e) graduating from high school, f) deciding on a career path, g) going to college, h) getting a good job, i) getting married, and then j) having children with two loving parents raising them.
(A single parent has an extremely challenging role in life for the adult and the child. Therefore, great care should be taken in the decision making about sexual activity in the child-bearing years. If a child is conceived and only one parent is willing to raise him or her, adoption by a married couple should be seriously considered.)
Our heart, brain and entire bodies are truly miracles!! As human beings we are truly blessed. Then, throughout our lives from babies, to toddlers, to children, to teens, to adults, to parents, and to seniors, we are nurturing ourselves and being nurtured to seek WISDOM. WISDOM MESSAGES are the powerful lessons that we learn in the inevitable ups and downs of life and that we choose to apply to the way we live the rest of our life. Positive and negative experiences in life, once reflected upon, can help us to define the WISDOM MESSAGES that we choose to be our self-talk and our decision-making guide for the rest of our life.
The human use of human beings is in our WISDOM MESSAGES. Wisdom has two components: “Human-to-Human Relationships” and “Imagination”. No machine or computer can teach us about the power of positive human relationships. We need to experience and cherish love, kindness, respect, compassion, friendship, companionship, and so on. Having a goal of cherishing and nurturing our human-to-human relationships, leads to valuable personal WISDOM MESSAGES.
Imagination is another source of human wisdom. Imagination is developed in the brain and becomes part of our mind, our total human understanding of facts, information, intelligence and wisdom. “Human Imagination”, Albert Einstein stated, “is even more powerful than Human Intelligence.” New principles of human relationships, new technologies, new managerial methods for organizations – all imaginative new approaches to living a useful life on earth, come from our own imagination and from learning from the imagination/creativity/fantasy experiences of other humans.
Miracles and Wisdom are our legacy from our Creator. We are certainly blessed, and then we create our future by our free will and choices. Parents, as the first teachers of a child, greatly help their children develop self-discipline and self-control. Parents’ three most precious gifts to their children are Time, Unconditional Love and the Love of Lifelong Learning.
Prepared by: Bill Peter, Consultant/Futurist billpeter@billpeter.net www.2020and2035.com
6650 Vernon Hills Road Edina, MN 55436 952.933.6850
As human beings, we have the incredible blessings of a fantastically designed body and brain and the ability to develop a powerful mind within the structure of our brain. It is amazing that a child’s heart starts beating in the womb about three weeks after its conception. What a series of miracles come together to form the life of a new and absolutely unique human being!!
Certainly the mother and father of a new child have no knowledge of how to build a heart, a brain, an arm, a digestion system, an eye, an immune system or any other part or function of a human being!! The miracle of a child’s fantastic creation is a testament to a powerful force in the universe which many call Source, God, or Creator. And miraculously, every new and unique child has a very complex genome system. We now know that 99.9% of all human genomes are identical for all human beings who have ever been born anywhere on planet earth. All humans are FAMILY if we mean by FAMILY having a tremendous amount in common, at least at the structural genome level.
A child’s brain weighs about three-quarters of a pound at birth and reaches a maximum weight of about three pounds at age twelve. Fully 17% of all of the billions of neurons in a child’s brain are connected at birth (by NATURE). Therefore, by NURTURE, the remaining 83% of all of the billions of neuron connections are formed over the lifetime of the child. The fastest rate of growth of the neuron connections occurs from birth to five years old, the most critical period of NURTURE. Additional neuron connections occur throughout a person’s lifetime. The pre-frontal cortex of the brain is the section which controls wise decision-making skills is far from fully developed at age twelve, as parents of teens can well attest. At the present, medical research has found that humans are capable of building new neuron connections in their brains throughout their lives.
A human being’s mind is developed within the brain and contains facts, information, experiences, knowledge, memories, fears, confidence, human-to-human relationship skills, fantasies, creativity, imagination, and so on. Parents, the child’s first teachers in the first five years of their lives, have a fantastic influence on the early development of a child’s mind. Children are copycats, and therefore they learn incredibly from the good and bad examples of their role models - their parents. Parenting is a very great honor and a very great responsibility.
Researchers have found that the most critical variable that determines a child’s success in school is not their intelligence at age six, but rather their self-discipline and self-control. Self-control is a skill generally learned in the first five years of life with the help of calm, loving and nurturing parents. Children depend on the role modeling and parenting that they receive from their parents, especially the NURTURE in their first five years of life.
The major milestones in a successful life are: a) learning to love and be loved, b) learning self-control and good behavior, c) learning kindness and respect for others, d) learning to listen, speak, read, write, think analytically, and think creatively, e) graduating from high school, f) deciding on a career path, g) going to college, h) getting a good job, i) getting married, and then j) having children with two loving parents raising them.
(A single parent has an extremely challenging role in life for the adult and the child. Therefore, great care should be taken in the decision making about sexual activity in the child-bearing years. If a child is conceived and only one parent is willing to raise him or her, adoption by a married couple should be seriously considered.)
Our heart, brain and entire bodies are truly miracles!! As human beings we are truly blessed. Then, throughout our lives from babies, to toddlers, to children, to teens, to adults, to parents, and to seniors, we are nurturing ourselves and being nurtured to seek WISDOM. WISDOM MESSAGES are the powerful lessons that we learn in the inevitable ups and downs of life and that we choose to apply to the way we live the rest of our life. Positive and negative experiences in life, once reflected upon, can help us to define the WISDOM MESSAGES that we choose to be our self-talk and our decision-making guide for the rest of our life.
The human use of human beings is in our WISDOM MESSAGES. Wisdom has two components: “Human-to-Human Relationships” and “Imagination”. No machine or computer can teach us about the power of positive human relationships. We need to experience and cherish love, kindness, respect, compassion, friendship, companionship, and so on. Having a goal of cherishing and nurturing our human-to-human relationships, leads to valuable personal WISDOM MESSAGES.
Imagination is another source of human wisdom. Imagination is developed in the brain and becomes part of our mind, our total human understanding of facts, information, intelligence and wisdom. “Human Imagination”, Albert Einstein stated, “is even more powerful than Human Intelligence.” New principles of human relationships, new technologies, new managerial methods for organizations – all imaginative new approaches to living a useful life on earth, come from our own imagination and from learning from the imagination/creativity/fantasy experiences of other humans.
Miracles and Wisdom are our legacy from our Creator. We are certainly blessed, and then we create our future by our free will and choices. Parents, as the first teachers of a child, greatly help their children develop self-discipline and self-control. Parents’ three most precious gifts to their children are Time, Unconditional Love and the Love of Lifelong Learning.
Prepared by: Bill Peter, Consultant/Futurist billpeter@billpeter.net www.2020and2035.com
6650 Vernon Hills Road Edina, MN 55436 952.933.6850
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Holding Back My Love
Yesterday my husband and I were attending our monthly couple’s therapy session. The group discussion was on differences and similarities within each couple and what are the one’s that bring to the relationship the biggest challenges. Like always it was great to hear the other couples perspectives and it is always good to hear that the same challenges exist within most couples.
When it was my husbands time to share he admitted that he often holds back saying nice things about me. He admitted that he knew that I have a need to feel special and noticed by him. He confessed that he often gets the urge to share and then purposely holds back because he is mad at me. He explained that my desire to be connected to him as a couple overwhelms him and he retreats and blames me for being needy. Of course this deeply saddened me. Initially I felt bad for him. The pain he must be in holding back love. To think of all the love that comes back his way that he does not get a chance to claim because of not being in a loving place. How sad it must be to be in his shoes. Then a light bulb went off. OMG I do the same thing. After some reflection I realized I hold back love too but just slightly different. When I am angry I hold back physical attention. I stay as far away physically as possible. I make up excuses to go to work early and make appointments when I know that he may be around. When I am angry I can still say nice things because that is easy for me. I do this naturally. But simple hugs, feet brushing against his in bed, bumping into him lovingly making dinner NO WAY! Why? Because I know he needs physical touch. It is so interesting how we see things in others that are in ourselves. Yesterday may have been painful but I have so much gratitude to God for giving me the chance at intimacy to see the lessons that come my way. And once in a while I have the courage to learn from them. That is life.
Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.
When it was my husbands time to share he admitted that he often holds back saying nice things about me. He admitted that he knew that I have a need to feel special and noticed by him. He confessed that he often gets the urge to share and then purposely holds back because he is mad at me. He explained that my desire to be connected to him as a couple overwhelms him and he retreats and blames me for being needy. Of course this deeply saddened me. Initially I felt bad for him. The pain he must be in holding back love. To think of all the love that comes back his way that he does not get a chance to claim because of not being in a loving place. How sad it must be to be in his shoes. Then a light bulb went off. OMG I do the same thing. After some reflection I realized I hold back love too but just slightly different. When I am angry I hold back physical attention. I stay as far away physically as possible. I make up excuses to go to work early and make appointments when I know that he may be around. When I am angry I can still say nice things because that is easy for me. I do this naturally. But simple hugs, feet brushing against his in bed, bumping into him lovingly making dinner NO WAY! Why? Because I know he needs physical touch. It is so interesting how we see things in others that are in ourselves. Yesterday may have been painful but I have so much gratitude to God for giving me the chance at intimacy to see the lessons that come my way. And once in a while I have the courage to learn from them. That is life.
Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
The Love Dare
A simple definition of unconditional love is: love without condition. A simple play on words and seems easy right? But we know that this is perhaps one of the hardest things for us to learn and demonstrate consistently. We may get the definition and feel that we are quite good at it. Then as soon as we go back to living our lives unconsciously we also go back to loving with condition. It is as automatic as breathing. Can we learn to breathe differently? Can we live consciously? I found this definition of “conscious” that seems to fit best: having an awareness of one's environment and one's own existence, sensations, and thoughts. So to love unconditionally we must be conscious. That does not seem too hard, does it?
A few months ago my husband and I watched a movie called, “Fireproof”. We all know the story of Jesus and his ability to love unconditionally. However, until seeing the movie I really had no idea how that must have felt day in and day out. In the past when I have seen movies about Jesus I did experience the feeling of sheer exhaustion; everyday giving love with no expectation of it coming back, not even in some other form channeled through someone else, absolutely nothing in return. The movie depicts this in real life through a marriage. It is so difficult watching this man who is given a challenge (from his father) to show unconditional love to his wife everyday for 40 days. The man struggles with committing but ultimately does not for his wife but for his father. The love dare begins. On the 43rd day the man’s wife brings to his attention that the “game” is over. He realizes that he loves unconditionally automatically. It is now a habit and has become as easy as breathing. It is now a part of who he is. I was intrigued and curious but confused at where to begin.
I was in the bookstore looking for a new book to bring on vacation and came across a book called, “The Love Dare” by Stephen and Alex Kendrick from the movie. Immediately I thought this is God’s plan for me so I bought it. I have been posting my experience on Facebook and to follow are my posts so far.
Day 1 Love is patient. I waited until vacation to start the dare and being on vacation for day 1 was difficult. It took over 24 hours to get to Hawaii. Practicing patient after sitting hours in airports, car rental lines, hotel parking ramp being closed and room keys not working all while being VERY hungry (and 2 very hungry tired teenagers) was very difficult.
Day 2 Love is kind. I demonstrated kindness to 2 strangers today by being present with them. Found out that they are amazing people who are just about to do something amazing. I realized that connecting with others takes less energy and gives life.
Day 3 Love is not selfish. Spent the day with my kids. As my daughter said, "Mom this one is easy for you". Yes you put your needs aside for the kids but is it from not being selfish or is it from being accommodating. Two very different things. Sometimes we may do what we think is unselfish acts or is there an underlining motive?
Day 4 Love is Thoughtful. I am blessed to have the natural skill to be multi relational. Being thoughtful is easy for me. But what is not is having the patience with those that are not. Back to Day #1 and that patience thing. Obviously where my work is.
Day 5 Love is Not Rude. Today's exercise was to find out if I do things to others that make them uncomfortable by asking a loved one for 3 behaviors that I do that they would like me to change. I found it not too surprising but the suggestions on how to change was a helpful discussion. I dare you to try this.
Day 6 Love is Not irritable. Choose today to react to tough circumstances in loving ways instead of with irritation. Two reasons why people get irritable; stress and selfishness. When life squeezes you to you pour out a sour response like a lemon or a sweet response like a peach?
Day 7 Love believes the best. Two list one of positive attributes of your spouse and one with negatives. Focus on one of the positives for the day and thank your spouse for it. This helps to lead your heart to truly love your spouse. It is a decision you make, whether they deserve it or not-This love dare thing is getting harder.
Day 8 Love is not jealous. This one was easier. Love is not selfish and puts others first. Being a Mom I am use to that. Maybe I do not get jealous but I definitely could invest more time into celebrating others successes. I spent considerable time celebrating 2 of my husband’s successes and he appreciated it. Try this one on your spouse. Celebrate their successes this weekend.
So this is where I am day 9. I have committed to the process but I have given myself the chance to call a day off. After the 3rd day I realized the depth of what I had committed to and gave myself the gift of patience. There are days that I feel confident that I can finish and then there have been days when I want to give up. For me it is not hard to show love but the unconditional part stops me in my tracks. There is a reason that at the 4th day I got frustrated. That is when I hit the wall. I reflected on this “4th day” pattern and how it constantly shows up in my relationship with my husband. There have been numerous weekends spent together where we just spontaneously see what will happen in the moment. In fact the weekend itself is not planned thoroughly or discussed in any detail until it is upon us. I often enjoy the first 2 days but when I hit the end of the 3rd day I realize that my needs of planning and dreaming of the future have not been met I feel unloved. In fact the next day which is typically the 4th day I begin withholding my love in contempt.
My husband fears commitment hence lives in the moment most of the time. He finds planning difficult as well as discussions on dreams or visions of the future. I love to plan and dream about the future. In fact, attending strategic planning or visioning meeting at work is one of my favorite things to do. This obviously plays a role in our challenges within the marriage. So what is it about the 4th day and how do I get through it? I have spent literally hundreds of hours trying to answer this question and now I have the answer. Coming from a place of unconditional love there should be no difference from the 1st day and the 4th day. But coming from my reality, I need my needs met. On the 4th day I believe it should be my turn. Now that is eye opening. Have I been giving love conditionally all these years? I truly yearn to reach a point where I do not realize that I am upon the 4th day. I know that in order to get what you want you first have to give it but in the past I had not thought about unconditional love this way. And I do want to be loved unconditionally. I will continue to hit the wall from time to time. However I am committed to getting through all 40 days and I do know that walls are put in front of us to see how badly we want something. The wall is not put there to give up. So off to the 9th day and the hope that God gives me the chance to see what is in store on the 40th day. What are you waiting for? Take the love dare and start today.
A few months ago my husband and I watched a movie called, “Fireproof”. We all know the story of Jesus and his ability to love unconditionally. However, until seeing the movie I really had no idea how that must have felt day in and day out. In the past when I have seen movies about Jesus I did experience the feeling of sheer exhaustion; everyday giving love with no expectation of it coming back, not even in some other form channeled through someone else, absolutely nothing in return. The movie depicts this in real life through a marriage. It is so difficult watching this man who is given a challenge (from his father) to show unconditional love to his wife everyday for 40 days. The man struggles with committing but ultimately does not for his wife but for his father. The love dare begins. On the 43rd day the man’s wife brings to his attention that the “game” is over. He realizes that he loves unconditionally automatically. It is now a habit and has become as easy as breathing. It is now a part of who he is. I was intrigued and curious but confused at where to begin.
I was in the bookstore looking for a new book to bring on vacation and came across a book called, “The Love Dare” by Stephen and Alex Kendrick from the movie. Immediately I thought this is God’s plan for me so I bought it. I have been posting my experience on Facebook and to follow are my posts so far.
Day 1 Love is patient. I waited until vacation to start the dare and being on vacation for day 1 was difficult. It took over 24 hours to get to Hawaii. Practicing patient after sitting hours in airports, car rental lines, hotel parking ramp being closed and room keys not working all while being VERY hungry (and 2 very hungry tired teenagers) was very difficult.
Day 2 Love is kind. I demonstrated kindness to 2 strangers today by being present with them. Found out that they are amazing people who are just about to do something amazing. I realized that connecting with others takes less energy and gives life.
Day 3 Love is not selfish. Spent the day with my kids. As my daughter said, "Mom this one is easy for you". Yes you put your needs aside for the kids but is it from not being selfish or is it from being accommodating. Two very different things. Sometimes we may do what we think is unselfish acts or is there an underlining motive?
Day 4 Love is Thoughtful. I am blessed to have the natural skill to be multi relational. Being thoughtful is easy for me. But what is not is having the patience with those that are not. Back to Day #1 and that patience thing. Obviously where my work is.
Day 5 Love is Not Rude. Today's exercise was to find out if I do things to others that make them uncomfortable by asking a loved one for 3 behaviors that I do that they would like me to change. I found it not too surprising but the suggestions on how to change was a helpful discussion. I dare you to try this.
Day 6 Love is Not irritable. Choose today to react to tough circumstances in loving ways instead of with irritation. Two reasons why people get irritable; stress and selfishness. When life squeezes you to you pour out a sour response like a lemon or a sweet response like a peach?
Day 7 Love believes the best. Two list one of positive attributes of your spouse and one with negatives. Focus on one of the positives for the day and thank your spouse for it. This helps to lead your heart to truly love your spouse. It is a decision you make, whether they deserve it or not-This love dare thing is getting harder.
Day 8 Love is not jealous. This one was easier. Love is not selfish and puts others first. Being a Mom I am use to that. Maybe I do not get jealous but I definitely could invest more time into celebrating others successes. I spent considerable time celebrating 2 of my husband’s successes and he appreciated it. Try this one on your spouse. Celebrate their successes this weekend.
So this is where I am day 9. I have committed to the process but I have given myself the chance to call a day off. After the 3rd day I realized the depth of what I had committed to and gave myself the gift of patience. There are days that I feel confident that I can finish and then there have been days when I want to give up. For me it is not hard to show love but the unconditional part stops me in my tracks. There is a reason that at the 4th day I got frustrated. That is when I hit the wall. I reflected on this “4th day” pattern and how it constantly shows up in my relationship with my husband. There have been numerous weekends spent together where we just spontaneously see what will happen in the moment. In fact the weekend itself is not planned thoroughly or discussed in any detail until it is upon us. I often enjoy the first 2 days but when I hit the end of the 3rd day I realize that my needs of planning and dreaming of the future have not been met I feel unloved. In fact the next day which is typically the 4th day I begin withholding my love in contempt.
My husband fears commitment hence lives in the moment most of the time. He finds planning difficult as well as discussions on dreams or visions of the future. I love to plan and dream about the future. In fact, attending strategic planning or visioning meeting at work is one of my favorite things to do. This obviously plays a role in our challenges within the marriage. So what is it about the 4th day and how do I get through it? I have spent literally hundreds of hours trying to answer this question and now I have the answer. Coming from a place of unconditional love there should be no difference from the 1st day and the 4th day. But coming from my reality, I need my needs met. On the 4th day I believe it should be my turn. Now that is eye opening. Have I been giving love conditionally all these years? I truly yearn to reach a point where I do not realize that I am upon the 4th day. I know that in order to get what you want you first have to give it but in the past I had not thought about unconditional love this way. And I do want to be loved unconditionally. I will continue to hit the wall from time to time. However I am committed to getting through all 40 days and I do know that walls are put in front of us to see how badly we want something. The wall is not put there to give up. So off to the 9th day and the hope that God gives me the chance to see what is in store on the 40th day. What are you waiting for? Take the love dare and start today.
What do we all want?
I found this and wanted to share. It has inspired me and motivated me to write again. Enjoy.
I love you as you are, as you seek to find your own special way to relate to the world, or the way you feel that is right for you. It is important that you are the person you want to be and not someone that I or others think you should be.
I realize that I cannot know what is best for you although perhaps sometimes I think I do. I've not been where you have been, viewing life from that angle you have, I do not know what you have chosen to learn, how you have chosen to learn it, with whom, or in what time period. I have not walked life looking through your eyes, so how can I know what you need.
I allow you to be in the world without a thought or word of judgment from me about the deeds you undertake. I see no error in the things you say and do, in this place where I am. I see that there are many ways to perceive and experience the different facets of our world. I allow without reservation the choices you make in each moment.
I make no judgment of this for if I were to deny your right to evolution, then I would deny that right to myself and all others. To those who would choose a way I cannot walk, whilst I may not choose to add my power and my energy to this way, I will never deny you the gift of love that God has bestowed within me for all creation, as I love you so I shall be loved; as I sow, so I shall reap.
I allow you the universal right of free will to walk your own path, creating steps or to sit a while if that is what is right for you. I will make no judgment of these steps, whether they are large or small, nor light or heavy or that they lead up or down, for this is just my viewpoint. I see you do nothing and might judge it to be unworthy. And yet, it may be that you bring great healing as you stand blessed by the light of God.
I cannot always see the higher picture of divine order. For it is the inalienable right of all life to choose their own evolution and with great love I acknowledge your right to determine your future. In humility I bow to the realization that the way I see is best for me does not have to mean that it is also right for you. I know that you are led as I am following the inner excitement to know your own path.
I know that the many races, religions, customs, nationalities and beliefs within our world bring us great richness and allow us the benefit of teachings of such diverseness. I know we each learn in our own unique way in order to bring that love and wisdom back to the whole. I know that if there were only one way to do something, there would need to be only one person. I will not only love you if you behave in a way I think you should, or believe in those things I believe in. I understand you are truly my brother and sister though you may have been born in a different place and believe in another God than I.
The love I feel is for all of God's world. I know that every living thing is part of God and I feel a love deep within every person, and every tree, and flower, every bird, river, ocean and for all the creatures in all the world. I live my life in loving service being the best me I can, becoming wiser in the perfection of divine truth, becoming happier in the joy of unconditional love.
by Sandy Stevenson - Ascension 2000
A Definition of Unconditional Love
Love without condition
Love without condition
I love you as you are, as you seek to find your own special way to relate to the world, or the way you feel that is right for you. It is important that you are the person you want to be and not someone that I or others think you should be.
I realize that I cannot know what is best for you although perhaps sometimes I think I do. I've not been where you have been, viewing life from that angle you have, I do not know what you have chosen to learn, how you have chosen to learn it, with whom, or in what time period. I have not walked life looking through your eyes, so how can I know what you need.
I allow you to be in the world without a thought or word of judgment from me about the deeds you undertake. I see no error in the things you say and do, in this place where I am. I see that there are many ways to perceive and experience the different facets of our world. I allow without reservation the choices you make in each moment.
I make no judgment of this for if I were to deny your right to evolution, then I would deny that right to myself and all others. To those who would choose a way I cannot walk, whilst I may not choose to add my power and my energy to this way, I will never deny you the gift of love that God has bestowed within me for all creation, as I love you so I shall be loved; as I sow, so I shall reap.
I allow you the universal right of free will to walk your own path, creating steps or to sit a while if that is what is right for you. I will make no judgment of these steps, whether they are large or small, nor light or heavy or that they lead up or down, for this is just my viewpoint. I see you do nothing and might judge it to be unworthy. And yet, it may be that you bring great healing as you stand blessed by the light of God.
I cannot always see the higher picture of divine order. For it is the inalienable right of all life to choose their own evolution and with great love I acknowledge your right to determine your future. In humility I bow to the realization that the way I see is best for me does not have to mean that it is also right for you. I know that you are led as I am following the inner excitement to know your own path.
I know that the many races, religions, customs, nationalities and beliefs within our world bring us great richness and allow us the benefit of teachings of such diverseness. I know we each learn in our own unique way in order to bring that love and wisdom back to the whole. I know that if there were only one way to do something, there would need to be only one person. I will not only love you if you behave in a way I think you should, or believe in those things I believe in. I understand you are truly my brother and sister though you may have been born in a different place and believe in another God than I.
The love I feel is for all of God's world. I know that every living thing is part of God and I feel a love deep within every person, and every tree, and flower, every bird, river, ocean and for all the creatures in all the world. I live my life in loving service being the best me I can, becoming wiser in the perfection of divine truth, becoming happier in the joy of unconditional love.
by Sandy Stevenson - Ascension 2000
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