Can Change Ever Truly be Involuntary?
This past week I voluntarily resigned from a role of sitting on a board of directors that I put my heart and soul into for the past two and a half years. I had accepted it full heartedly and since the real estate market has been slow I was able to dedicate all the time I needed. It was tough being part of a democratic process that was hit with major decision to make like cutting cost which included letting go of valuable employees and initiatives that had been services provided for many years. These decisions were not easy to except or meant to make anyone popular. Although it was stressful I learned a lot and was truly grateful for the opportunity to have such a learning experience.
Like most democratic processes things can get political. Voting is to be an individuals right and respected regardless of the particular side you vote. But we are human and what is suppose to be a right can often be judged especially under times of emotional stress and financial pressure.
If someone would have told me six months ago that I would eventually resign before the end of my term I would never have believed it. One thing led to another and I became a target by the current person in charge of the board and before I knew it I was backed into a corner that made me feel like I had no choice. Even though I was the second person to be bullied and intimidated this year and I knew that this was his tactic of choice I felt like I had no choice. Or did I?
I took a week of serious reflection and prayer to find the right answer and in my heart I realized that it may feel like I was pushed into resigning, but I eventually realized that it was God’s way of telling me to “wake up and smell the roses”. And after I had come to the conclusion that I would resign I began to realize that there had been other signs. I had felt uncomfortable for many months watching others go through something similar but did not listen to my intuition. I had been in denial.
Like I often do I went to my database of messages from all of you and found the answer in this message:
The Five Things We Cannot Change
Everything changes and ends.
Things do not always go according to plan.
Life is not always fair.
Pain is part of life.
People are not loving and loyal all of the time
..and it's ok!
I then wrote the most amazing eloquent professional resignation. And it was voluntary and felt like a ten pound weight had been lifted. My feelings of having to involuntary resign became a voluntary life changing event.
Challenging things that happen in life are not obstacles they are avenues for change.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Accept What Exists or Have the Courage to Change it
I was reflecting on the following submission for Messages For Women and was thinking about all the political rhetoric that is going on.
Comments: The human race is so lost that they do not realize that freedom comes from within and is a process. We are always looking at it externally fighting for control. Look inside and trust God and the process.
Everywhere we are hearing one political party blaming the other for taking their rights as American citizens away. I was thinking about our responsibility as American citizens is during times of political struggle for control. To me you either accept what exists or have the courage to take responsibility in making change. I was thinking about what I should do and I got this great email from my friend and mentor, Bill Peter. Below is Bill's call to all American citizens. Thanks Bill.
It is time to call all American citizens “Americans”
All humans on earth are related and have common ancestors. History is clear that the species we call human beings have a common heritage. As we trace back our family tree, we find that we are related to people from all parts of our country and other countries around the world. DNA studies and human genome studies have shown that all 6.7 billion plus human beings on earth today have 99.99% of the same genes; we are much more alike than different. All human beings are all “family” in the true meaning of the word.
In the United States, it is time to call all American citizens “Americans”.
Suppose in the U.S. census in 2010, a woman with a mother of Chinese heritage and a father of Irish heritage is asked to categorize herself for the census taker. Does she check the Caucasian box, the Asian box, both, or what? I submit that this is reality, and it is wrong to ask questions that require a person to “label himself or herself” by race, ethnic background, or the country of birth of ones ancestors.
When we become American citizens, by birth or the process of study and testing to become an American, we are “Americans”. Tiger Woods was praised as the first African-American to win the Masters golf tournament. Over time, he politely pointed out that his heritage was Caucasian, Black, Asian, and American Indian. Do we need rules on what percentage of each race or ethnic background a person is? Of course not, just eliminate the offensive labeling questions from the 2010 U.S. Census and all census taking in the future. Reasonable questions include: Are you a U.S. citizen, or not? If not, what country are you a citizen of? In what country were you born? The Census should help us to identify everyone who is in the United States. However, we should eliminate all questions about race and ethnic background of U.S citizens.
The United States is the most diverse of all cultures in the world with respect to race and ethnic culture heritage. All American citizens are “Americans” and should all be called “Americans”. The press, all the media, all politicians, all laws, all organizations, everything, should refer to American citizens as “Americans”. Freedom of the press is not useful to divide us, instead of unite us. Labeling groups of Americans implies that some ethnic groups are more or less important than others -- not a good idea for a melting-pot country.
I was born in Brooklyn, New York, and Jackie Robinson was one of my heroes when he joined the Brooklyn Dodgers to play baseball in 1947. (I was 12 years old, and baseball was an important part of my life). I learned to copy Jackie’s technique of standing at bat and tapping his right thigh with his right hand several times before each pitch. I was told by the radio announcers that Jackie was so good at stealing bases because he ran pigeon-toed, which made him run faster. (He had been a track star at college). So, as a youngster following his role model, I tried to run faster by running pigeon-toed. I loved how enthusiastic Jackie Robinson was about baseball, and when my dad brought me to Ebbetts Field to see the Dodgers play, Jackie was the one I cheered for the most. Why? Because he was a great ball player! It was not a plus or a minus to me that his skin was black and mine was white. Martin Luther King said, “I have a dream that one day my children will be evaluated not by the color of their skin but by the quality of their character.” He fought and died for the U. S. to become a color-blind society.
General Colin Powell tells the story of being complimented by a superior officer that he was “the best black Lieutenant in the Army”. General Powell preferred to have been praised for being the best Lieutenant, independent of his skin color. No one says Michael Jordon was the best black basketball player of all time; we just say he was the best.
In 2010, as we take the next census of American citizens, we should not ask questions about ethnic or racial heritage. Such questions are demeaning, inaccurate and not worthy of the standards of ethics of our country. The census should not perpetuate the racism mistakes of the past. We are all Americans and should be proud to drop all other race or ethnic heritage labels in our pursuit of true tolerance and respect for everyone’s human dignity.
This is the United States: we are “Americans.”
Do you share this view? Let your voice be heard!!
Prepared by: Bill Peter, Consultant/Futurist billpeter@billpeter.net www.2020and2035.com
6650 Vernon Hills Road Edina, MN 55436 952.933.6850
Comments: The human race is so lost that they do not realize that freedom comes from within and is a process. We are always looking at it externally fighting for control. Look inside and trust God and the process.
Everywhere we are hearing one political party blaming the other for taking their rights as American citizens away. I was thinking about our responsibility as American citizens is during times of political struggle for control. To me you either accept what exists or have the courage to take responsibility in making change. I was thinking about what I should do and I got this great email from my friend and mentor, Bill Peter. Below is Bill's call to all American citizens. Thanks Bill.
It is time to call all American citizens “Americans”
All humans on earth are related and have common ancestors. History is clear that the species we call human beings have a common heritage. As we trace back our family tree, we find that we are related to people from all parts of our country and other countries around the world. DNA studies and human genome studies have shown that all 6.7 billion plus human beings on earth today have 99.99% of the same genes; we are much more alike than different. All human beings are all “family” in the true meaning of the word.
In the United States, it is time to call all American citizens “Americans”.
Suppose in the U.S. census in 2010, a woman with a mother of Chinese heritage and a father of Irish heritage is asked to categorize herself for the census taker. Does she check the Caucasian box, the Asian box, both, or what? I submit that this is reality, and it is wrong to ask questions that require a person to “label himself or herself” by race, ethnic background, or the country of birth of ones ancestors.
When we become American citizens, by birth or the process of study and testing to become an American, we are “Americans”. Tiger Woods was praised as the first African-American to win the Masters golf tournament. Over time, he politely pointed out that his heritage was Caucasian, Black, Asian, and American Indian. Do we need rules on what percentage of each race or ethnic background a person is? Of course not, just eliminate the offensive labeling questions from the 2010 U.S. Census and all census taking in the future. Reasonable questions include: Are you a U.S. citizen, or not? If not, what country are you a citizen of? In what country were you born? The Census should help us to identify everyone who is in the United States. However, we should eliminate all questions about race and ethnic background of U.S citizens.
The United States is the most diverse of all cultures in the world with respect to race and ethnic culture heritage. All American citizens are “Americans” and should all be called “Americans”. The press, all the media, all politicians, all laws, all organizations, everything, should refer to American citizens as “Americans”. Freedom of the press is not useful to divide us, instead of unite us. Labeling groups of Americans implies that some ethnic groups are more or less important than others -- not a good idea for a melting-pot country.
I was born in Brooklyn, New York, and Jackie Robinson was one of my heroes when he joined the Brooklyn Dodgers to play baseball in 1947. (I was 12 years old, and baseball was an important part of my life). I learned to copy Jackie’s technique of standing at bat and tapping his right thigh with his right hand several times before each pitch. I was told by the radio announcers that Jackie was so good at stealing bases because he ran pigeon-toed, which made him run faster. (He had been a track star at college). So, as a youngster following his role model, I tried to run faster by running pigeon-toed. I loved how enthusiastic Jackie Robinson was about baseball, and when my dad brought me to Ebbetts Field to see the Dodgers play, Jackie was the one I cheered for the most. Why? Because he was a great ball player! It was not a plus or a minus to me that his skin was black and mine was white. Martin Luther King said, “I have a dream that one day my children will be evaluated not by the color of their skin but by the quality of their character.” He fought and died for the U. S. to become a color-blind society.
General Colin Powell tells the story of being complimented by a superior officer that he was “the best black Lieutenant in the Army”. General Powell preferred to have been praised for being the best Lieutenant, independent of his skin color. No one says Michael Jordon was the best black basketball player of all time; we just say he was the best.
In 2010, as we take the next census of American citizens, we should not ask questions about ethnic or racial heritage. Such questions are demeaning, inaccurate and not worthy of the standards of ethics of our country. The census should not perpetuate the racism mistakes of the past. We are all Americans and should be proud to drop all other race or ethnic heritage labels in our pursuit of true tolerance and respect for everyone’s human dignity.
This is the United States: we are “Americans.”
Do you share this view? Let your voice be heard!!
Prepared by: Bill Peter, Consultant/Futurist billpeter@billpeter.net www.2020and2035.com
6650 Vernon Hills Road Edina, MN 55436 952.933.6850
Monday, March 22, 2010
The Antidote to Exhaustion is Full Heartedness
The closer you get to the fullest expression of yourself the more time and energy you can spend protecting and helping others. The first time I read this statement I tensed up. The voice in my head said, “great you already do so much for others and in finding me I get to give even more”. Just thinking about it made me exhausted. Then I read it again and thought what does it mean to be in the fullest expression of yourself and how would it feel? It would feel natural and authentic. It would feel as if there was no resistant and very productive. There would be no time spent in worry and fear. After a bit more reflection I started to put together the perfect vision.
I am working as an entrepreneur using real estate as a vehicle to accomplish my goal of serving others. Any events that come into my life that are a negative frequency of energy roll off like food on a non stick pan. And all the positive connections quickly are recognized and serve me. My capacity is enlarged. I am now serving others in all that I do full heartedly. Seeing this vision does not bring feelings of exhaustion but feelings of complete bliss, its heaven on earth. This is how amazing women like Oprah do it. This is how Mother Theresa connected with so many people changing the world as she encountered it. The antidote to exhaustion is full heartedness.
I am working as an entrepreneur using real estate as a vehicle to accomplish my goal of serving others. Any events that come into my life that are a negative frequency of energy roll off like food on a non stick pan. And all the positive connections quickly are recognized and serve me. My capacity is enlarged. I am now serving others in all that I do full heartedly. Seeing this vision does not bring feelings of exhaustion but feelings of complete bliss, its heaven on earth. This is how amazing women like Oprah do it. This is how Mother Theresa connected with so many people changing the world as she encountered it. The antidote to exhaustion is full heartedness.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
When You Thought I Wasn't Looking
A week ago I was fortunate to get a chance to attend my son’s ultimate Frisbee tournament in San Francisco. I was so excited however felt somewhat awkward since I was by myself. It was interesting to be a spectator when what I really wanted to do is be a dotting Mom. It was very difficult to be there for him but yet let him be with his college friends and do the normal things he would if I had not been there. I wanted to make sure he knew I loved him and I wanted to take care of him every chance I could. But I knew deep inside that this was his time to be his own person and that my role was to support from a distance. If I left him to do his own thing would he know how proud I was of him? Would he know how much I love him if I stayed my distance? What was too much? And what was too little? It was driving me crazy the entire weekend but in the end I kept my distance but was unsure if I should have said more.
The following day after returning home I received the message below from a friend. I read it and could not hold back the tears. It did not matter what I said or did not say that past weekend. What mattered is all the years my son watched me that showed him how much I cared and how much love that I had for him and others. The tears were happy tears. He has grown up to be the most loving caring kind responsible productive person I know. He has become this person because of who he saw me be everyday of his life growing up. I realized that I did an amazing job by what I did when I thought he was not looking. And this includes standing by the sidelines of a college tournament in San Francisco when I thought he was not watching me.
A message every adult should read because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life. When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be. When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up. When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.'
The following day after returning home I received the message below from a friend. I read it and could not hold back the tears. It did not matter what I said or did not say that past weekend. What mattered is all the years my son watched me that showed him how much I cared and how much love that I had for him and others. The tears were happy tears. He has grown up to be the most loving caring kind responsible productive person I know. He has become this person because of who he saw me be everyday of his life growing up. I realized that I did an amazing job by what I did when I thought he was not looking. And this includes standing by the sidelines of a college tournament in San Francisco when I thought he was not watching me.
A message every adult should read because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life. When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be. When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up. When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.'
Monday, March 8, 2010
God Has Always Been There
God doesn’t give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need – to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.
When I first read this a few months ago what stood out was the people given to me that hurt me. The question I kept asking myself is, “God give me a break and send the ones who love me and want to help me – I don’t know how much more I can take”.
It is my son’s 20th birthday today and I realized today watching him be the amazing person he is that he loves me. His love has made me the person I was meant to be. The interesting thing is that a few months ago he loved me and I was the person I was meant to be then as I am today. So did God just send me him today? No God sent him 20 years ago. I just choose more often then not to see the fear versus the love. I get stuck in negativity in a tunnel vision of emotional pain. I was and I am accepting of the person I am from the pain I have endured. What about the women that I have become as a product of all the love and help that I get everyday that I may not notice?
Who loves me? I can think of dozens of people and it makes me feel warm and strong. Who has helped me? I am overwhelmed with a sudden feeling to cry. I think of so many people who have been there for me just in the last week let alone my entire life. My daughter, my husband and my partner at work have all seen me struggle and offered to help me this past week without me having to ask. And when I think back over the last 15 years in my real estate career the list would take hours to write. I have always felt fortunate with opportunities that have left me with wanting to help others in return. So this has also made me who I am and plays a huge role in who I am meant to be. God has always been there. Now it is time for me to see all of the positive gifts that have been sent my way and are yet to come through those that love and support me.
When I first read this a few months ago what stood out was the people given to me that hurt me. The question I kept asking myself is, “God give me a break and send the ones who love me and want to help me – I don’t know how much more I can take”.
It is my son’s 20th birthday today and I realized today watching him be the amazing person he is that he loves me. His love has made me the person I was meant to be. The interesting thing is that a few months ago he loved me and I was the person I was meant to be then as I am today. So did God just send me him today? No God sent him 20 years ago. I just choose more often then not to see the fear versus the love. I get stuck in negativity in a tunnel vision of emotional pain. I was and I am accepting of the person I am from the pain I have endured. What about the women that I have become as a product of all the love and help that I get everyday that I may not notice?
Who loves me? I can think of dozens of people and it makes me feel warm and strong. Who has helped me? I am overwhelmed with a sudden feeling to cry. I think of so many people who have been there for me just in the last week let alone my entire life. My daughter, my husband and my partner at work have all seen me struggle and offered to help me this past week without me having to ask. And when I think back over the last 15 years in my real estate career the list would take hours to write. I have always felt fortunate with opportunities that have left me with wanting to help others in return. So this has also made me who I am and plays a huge role in who I am meant to be. God has always been there. Now it is time for me to see all of the positive gifts that have been sent my way and are yet to come through those that love and support me.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Holding Back My Love
Yesterday my husband and I were attending our monthly couple’s therapy session. The group discussion was on differences and similarities within each couple and what are the one’s that bring to the relationship the biggest challenges. Like always it was great to hear the other couples perspectives and it is always good to hear that the same challenges exist within most couples.
When it was my husbands time to share he admitted that he often holds back saying nice things about me. He admitted that he knew that I have a need to feel special and noticed by him. He confessed that he often gets the urge to share and then purposely holds back because he is mad at me. He explained that my desire to be connected to him as a couple overwhelms him and he retreats and blames me for being needy. Of course this deeply saddened me. Initially I felt bad for him. The pain he must be in holding back love. To think of all the love that comes back his way that he does not get a chance to claim because of not being in a loving place. How sad it must be to be in his shoes. Then a light bulb went off. OMG I do the same thing. After some reflection I realized I hold back love too but just slightly different. When I am angry I hold back physical attention. I stay as far away physically as possible. I make up excuses to go to work early and make appointments when I know that he may be around. When I am angry I can still say nice things because that is easy for me. I do this naturally. But simple hugs, feet brushing against his in bed, bumping into him lovingly making dinner NO WAY! Why? Because I know he needs physical touch. It is so interesting how we see things in others that are in ourselves. Yesterday may have been painful but I have so much gratitude to God for giving me the chance at intimacy to see the lessons that come my way. And once in a while I have the courage to learn from them. That is life.
Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.
When it was my husbands time to share he admitted that he often holds back saying nice things about me. He admitted that he knew that I have a need to feel special and noticed by him. He confessed that he often gets the urge to share and then purposely holds back because he is mad at me. He explained that my desire to be connected to him as a couple overwhelms him and he retreats and blames me for being needy. Of course this deeply saddened me. Initially I felt bad for him. The pain he must be in holding back love. To think of all the love that comes back his way that he does not get a chance to claim because of not being in a loving place. How sad it must be to be in his shoes. Then a light bulb went off. OMG I do the same thing. After some reflection I realized I hold back love too but just slightly different. When I am angry I hold back physical attention. I stay as far away physically as possible. I make up excuses to go to work early and make appointments when I know that he may be around. When I am angry I can still say nice things because that is easy for me. I do this naturally. But simple hugs, feet brushing against his in bed, bumping into him lovingly making dinner NO WAY! Why? Because I know he needs physical touch. It is so interesting how we see things in others that are in ourselves. Yesterday may have been painful but I have so much gratitude to God for giving me the chance at intimacy to see the lessons that come my way. And once in a while I have the courage to learn from them. That is life.
Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Do you really deserve it?
I always thought that the feeling of entitlement came from those who depended on the government for their financial needs. I did not think that the feelings of entitlement could be expressed by someone like Tiger Woods. How could someone so rich feel entitled?
A couple weeks ago someone I know said that they felt justified in taking someone’s deposit outside of the terms of a contract because he worked so hard. He felt entitled to take the money. This past week Tiger Woods publicly apologized for his behavior. He said, “normal rules did not apply I thought only of myself”, “I worked hard my entire life and I deserve to enjoy all the temptations around me”, “I felt entitled”. Wow! A person like Tiger feeling entitled.
Since I have reflected on whether there have been times that I too have felt entitled. Have I justified my behavior because I have worked so hard so I deserve to have what I want? Ok maybe I have not slept around with dozens of men or have taken money that a contract specifically said I could not have but I have felt entitled.
In my current marriage I have felt that I deserve a husband that is devoted to me and adores me. I deserve a husband that thinks only of my needs. I was in a 17 year marriage where my husband could not focus on me. I was in a marriage that had very little intimacy and endured it for 17 years so in this new marriage I deserve it, right? The real estate industry has been tough for 2 years and I have made it through this so I deserve to reap all the benefits as the recovery has begun, right? Where is the line between feeling entitled and having passion to go for what you want? When does desire and dreaming become entitlement and narcissistic?
I do not know the answer and I am looking for opinions from others. I do know that to stay out of fear and to stay in love is the first step. And I do know that I will never give up dreaming or my passion for what it is I want to give to the world. Maybe I will just have to check in with myself more often with the question, “do I feel a sense of entitlement to this goal or dream”?
A couple weeks ago someone I know said that they felt justified in taking someone’s deposit outside of the terms of a contract because he worked so hard. He felt entitled to take the money. This past week Tiger Woods publicly apologized for his behavior. He said, “normal rules did not apply I thought only of myself”, “I worked hard my entire life and I deserve to enjoy all the temptations around me”, “I felt entitled”. Wow! A person like Tiger feeling entitled.
Since I have reflected on whether there have been times that I too have felt entitled. Have I justified my behavior because I have worked so hard so I deserve to have what I want? Ok maybe I have not slept around with dozens of men or have taken money that a contract specifically said I could not have but I have felt entitled.
In my current marriage I have felt that I deserve a husband that is devoted to me and adores me. I deserve a husband that thinks only of my needs. I was in a 17 year marriage where my husband could not focus on me. I was in a marriage that had very little intimacy and endured it for 17 years so in this new marriage I deserve it, right? The real estate industry has been tough for 2 years and I have made it through this so I deserve to reap all the benefits as the recovery has begun, right? Where is the line between feeling entitled and having passion to go for what you want? When does desire and dreaming become entitlement and narcissistic?
I do not know the answer and I am looking for opinions from others. I do know that to stay out of fear and to stay in love is the first step. And I do know that I will never give up dreaming or my passion for what it is I want to give to the world. Maybe I will just have to check in with myself more often with the question, “do I feel a sense of entitlement to this goal or dream”?
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