Accept What Exists or Have the Courage to Change it

I was reflecting on the following submission for Messages For Women and was thinking about all the political rhetoric that is going on.

Comments: The human race is so lost that they do not realize that freedom comes from within and is a process. We are always looking at it externally fighting for control. Look inside and trust God and the process.

Everywhere we are hearing one political party blaming the other for taking their rights as American citizens away. I was thinking about our responsibility as American citizens is during times of political struggle for control. To me you either accept what exists or have the courage to take responsibility in making change. I was thinking about what I should do and I got this great email from my friend and mentor, Bill Peter. Below is Bill's call to all American citizens. Thanks Bill.

It is time to call all American citizens “Americans”

All humans on earth are related and have common ancestors. History is clear that the species we call human beings have a common heritage. As we trace back our family tree, we find that we are related to people from all parts of our country and other countries around the world. DNA studies and human genome studies have shown that all 6.7 billion plus human beings on earth today have 99.99% of the same genes; we are much more alike than different. All human beings are all “family” in the true meaning of the word.

In the United States, it is time to call all American citizens “Americans”.
Suppose in the U.S. census in 2010, a woman with a mother of Chinese heritage and a father of Irish heritage is asked to categorize herself for the census taker. Does she check the Caucasian box, the Asian box, both, or what? I submit that this is reality, and it is wrong to ask questions that require a person to “label himself or herself” by race, ethnic background, or the country of birth of ones ancestors.

When we become American citizens, by birth or the process of study and testing to become an American, we are “Americans”. Tiger Woods was praised as the first African-American to win the Masters golf tournament. Over time, he politely pointed out that his heritage was Caucasian, Black, Asian, and American Indian. Do we need rules on what percentage of each race or ethnic background a person is? Of course not, just eliminate the offensive labeling questions from the 2010 U.S. Census and all census taking in the future. Reasonable questions include: Are you a U.S. citizen, or not? If not, what country are you a citizen of? In what country were you born? The Census should help us to identify everyone who is in the United States. However, we should eliminate all questions about race and ethnic background of U.S citizens.

The United States is the most diverse of all cultures in the world with respect to race and ethnic culture heritage. All American citizens are “Americans” and should all be called “Americans”. The press, all the media, all politicians, all laws, all organizations, everything, should refer to American citizens as “Americans”. Freedom of the press is not useful to divide us, instead of unite us. Labeling groups of Americans implies that some ethnic groups are more or less important than others -- not a good idea for a melting-pot country.

I was born in Brooklyn, New York, and Jackie Robinson was one of my heroes when he joined the Brooklyn Dodgers to play baseball in 1947. (I was 12 years old, and baseball was an important part of my life). I learned to copy Jackie’s technique of standing at bat and tapping his right thigh with his right hand several times before each pitch. I was told by the radio announcers that Jackie was so good at stealing bases because he ran pigeon-toed, which made him run faster. (He had been a track star at college). So, as a youngster following his role model, I tried to run faster by running pigeon-toed. I loved how enthusiastic Jackie Robinson was about baseball, and when my dad brought me to Ebbetts Field to see the Dodgers play, Jackie was the one I cheered for the most. Why? Because he was a great ball player! It was not a plus or a minus to me that his skin was black and mine was white. Martin Luther King said, “I have a dream that one day my children will be evaluated not by the color of their skin but by the quality of their character.” He fought and died for the U. S. to become a color-blind society.

General Colin Powell tells the story of being complimented by a superior officer that he was “the best black Lieutenant in the Army”. General Powell preferred to have been praised for being the best Lieutenant, independent of his skin color. No one says Michael Jordon was the best black basketball player of all time; we just say he was the best.

In 2010, as we take the next census of American citizens, we should not ask questions about ethnic or racial heritage. Such questions are demeaning, inaccurate and not worthy of the standards of ethics of our country. The census should not perpetuate the racism mistakes of the past. We are all Americans and should be proud to drop all other race or ethnic heritage labels in our pursuit of true tolerance and respect for everyone’s human dignity.

This is the United States: we are “Americans.”
Do you share this view? Let your voice be heard!!

Prepared by: Bill Peter, Consultant/Futurist billpeter@billpeter.net www.2020and2035.com
6650 Vernon Hills Road Edina, MN 55436 952.933.6850

The Antidote to Exhaustion is Full Heartedness

The closer you get to the fullest expression of yourself the more time and energy you can spend protecting and helping others. The first time I read this statement I tensed up. The voice in my head said, “great you already do so much for others and in finding me I get to give even more”. Just thinking about it made me exhausted. Then I read it again and thought what does it mean to be in the fullest expression of yourself and how would it feel? It would feel natural and authentic. It would feel as if there was no resistant and very productive. There would be no time spent in worry and fear. After a bit more reflection I started to put together the perfect vision.

I am working as an entrepreneur using real estate as a vehicle to accomplish my goal of serving others. Any events that come into my life that are a negative frequency of energy roll off like food on a non stick pan. And all the positive connections quickly are recognized and serve me. My capacity is enlarged. I am now serving others in all that I do full heartedly. Seeing this vision does not bring feelings of exhaustion but feelings of complete bliss, its heaven on earth. This is how amazing women like Oprah do it. This is how Mother Theresa connected with so many people changing the world as she encountered it. The antidote to exhaustion is full heartedness.

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

A week ago I was fortunate to get a chance to attend my son’s ultimate Frisbee tournament in San Francisco. I was so excited however felt somewhat awkward since I was by myself. It was interesting to be a spectator when what I really wanted to do is be a dotting Mom. It was very difficult to be there for him but yet let him be with his college friends and do the normal things he would if I had not been there. I wanted to make sure he knew I loved him and I wanted to take care of him every chance I could. But I knew deep inside that this was his time to be his own person and that my role was to support from a distance. If I left him to do his own thing would he know how proud I was of him? Would he know how much I love him if I stayed my distance? What was too much? And what was too little? It was driving me crazy the entire weekend but in the end I kept my distance but was unsure if I should have said more.

The following day after returning home I received the message below from a friend. I read it and could not hold back the tears. It did not matter what I said or did not say that past weekend. What mattered is all the years my son watched me that showed him how much I cared and how much love that I had for him and others. The tears were happy tears. He has grown up to be the most loving caring kind responsible productive person I know. He has become this person because of who he saw me be everyday of his life growing up. I realized that I did an amazing job by what I did when I thought he was not looking. And this includes standing by the sidelines of a college tournament in San Francisco when I thought he was not watching me.

A message every adult should read because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life. When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be. When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up. When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.'

God Has Always Been There

God doesn’t give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need – to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

When I first read this a few months ago what stood out was the people given to me that hurt me. The question I kept asking myself is, “God give me a break and send the ones who love me and want to help me – I don’t know how much more I can take”.

It is my son’s 20th birthday today and I realized today watching him be the amazing person he is that he loves me. His love has made me the person I was meant to be. The interesting thing is that a few months ago he loved me and I was the person I was meant to be then as I am today. So did God just send me him today? No God sent him 20 years ago. I just choose more often then not to see the fear versus the love. I get stuck in negativity in a tunnel vision of emotional pain. I was and I am accepting of the person I am from the pain I have endured. What about the women that I have become as a product of all the love and help that I get everyday that I may not notice?

Who loves me? I can think of dozens of people and it makes me feel warm and strong. Who has helped me? I am overwhelmed with a sudden feeling to cry. I think of so many people who have been there for me just in the last week let alone my entire life. My daughter, my husband and my partner at work have all seen me struggle and offered to help me this past week without me having to ask. And when I think back over the last 15 years in my real estate career the list would take hours to write. I have always felt fortunate with opportunities that have left me with wanting to help others in return. So this has also made me who I am and plays a huge role in who I am meant to be. God has always been there. Now it is time for me to see all of the positive gifts that have been sent my way and are yet to come through those that love and support me.

Holding Back My Love

Yesterday my husband and I were attending our monthly couple’s therapy session. The group discussion was on differences and similarities within each couple and what are the one’s that bring to the relationship the biggest challenges. Like always it was great to hear the other couples perspectives and it is always good to hear that the same challenges exist within most couples.

When it was my husbands time to share he admitted that he often holds back saying nice things about me. He admitted that he knew that I have a need to feel special and noticed by him. He confessed that he often gets the urge to share and then purposely holds back because he is mad at me. He explained that my desire to be connected to him as a couple overwhelms him and he retreats and blames me for being needy. Of course this deeply saddened me. Initially I felt bad for him. The pain he must be in holding back love. To think of all the love that comes back his way that he does not get a chance to claim because of not being in a loving place. How sad it must be to be in his shoes. Then a light bulb went off. OMG I do the same thing. After some reflection I realized I hold back love too but just slightly different. When I am angry I hold back physical attention. I stay as far away physically as possible. I make up excuses to go to work early and make appointments when I know that he may be around. When I am angry I can still say nice things because that is easy for me. I do this naturally. But simple hugs, feet brushing against his in bed, bumping into him lovingly making dinner NO WAY! Why? Because I know he needs physical touch. It is so interesting how we see things in others that are in ourselves. Yesterday may have been painful but I have so much gratitude to God for giving me the chance at intimacy to see the lessons that come my way. And once in a while I have the courage to learn from them. That is life.

Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.

Do you really deserve it?

I always thought that the feeling of entitlement came from those who depended on the government for their financial needs. I did not think that the feelings of entitlement could be expressed by someone like Tiger Woods. How could someone so rich feel entitled?

A couple weeks ago someone I know said that they felt justified in taking someone’s deposit outside of the terms of a contract because he worked so hard. He felt entitled to take the money. This past week Tiger Woods publicly apologized for his behavior. He said, “normal rules did not apply I thought only of myself”, “I worked hard my entire life and I deserve to enjoy all the temptations around me”, “I felt entitled”. Wow! A person like Tiger feeling entitled.
Since I have reflected on whether there have been times that I too have felt entitled. Have I justified my behavior because I have worked so hard so I deserve to have what I want? Ok maybe I have not slept around with dozens of men or have taken money that a contract specifically said I could not have but I have felt entitled.

In my current marriage I have felt that I deserve a husband that is devoted to me and adores me. I deserve a husband that thinks only of my needs. I was in a 17 year marriage where my husband could not focus on me. I was in a marriage that had very little intimacy and endured it for 17 years so in this new marriage I deserve it, right? The real estate industry has been tough for 2 years and I have made it through this so I deserve to reap all the benefits as the recovery has begun, right? Where is the line between feeling entitled and having passion to go for what you want? When does desire and dreaming become entitlement and narcissistic?

I do not know the answer and I am looking for opinions from others. I do know that to stay out of fear and to stay in love is the first step. And I do know that I will never give up dreaming or my passion for what it is I want to give to the world. Maybe I will just have to check in with myself more often with the question, “do I feel a sense of entitlement to this goal or dream”?

Living with Chronic Pain

Most people that know me would never have guessed that I have lived with chronic pain for most of my life. On the outside I am happy active and generally optimistic. The pain I have suffered has been a result of my digestive system. I can not tell you at what age it started but I do remember at a very young age accepting the fact that I had inherited this condition from my grandmother. I have been diagnosed with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome and poor circulation) through visiting a series of traditional and alternative medical professionals. Up unit this past month my life revolved around my stomach and the pain that I experience.

I met Cheryl a couple of years ago. We immediately connected and both had a strong feeling that there was a purpose for our meeting and that this purpose would be larger then the both of us. During this time Cheryl has become a dear friend. I had often felt saddened that we could not spend more time together. Like most girl friends schedules seem to be the culprit for not getting together as often as you would like. This is true of Cheryl and I but there is one other reason; Cheryl also lives with chronic pain. In fact her pain was so severe that it actually made mine seem irrelevant. Cheryl lived with chronic pain in all of her joints which often left her not wanting to leave the house. She has been diagnosed with arthritis and has been to see every person that vows to have any type of possible cure. She has tried so many things that every time we did meet I was anxious to hear her latest possible remedy and hope for relief.

Just a few short months ago she called me and said that she thought she had found the solution. She said she was researching it and when she felt comfortable with what she found she would share. Could it be possible I thought? And could it help me? Within a few weeks she had researched the product and was using it. We got together for lunch and she shared with me the concept and I was completely surprised. It was not anything you ingest or digest. It did not include meditation or any type of chanting. So what was it? The way I describe it is Spanks on steroids with an orthopedic twist. The official name is Body Magic.

Cheryl went on to say that she had been wearing if for a couple weeks and felt really good. She looked good too. She was cautious and so was I. A month went by and we met for lunch. Cheryl looked fantastic. She immediately said she felt healed. She filled me in on her progress which included a few days without her Body Magic which put her pain back in light so she was now 100% confident that it would change her life. OK I was ready.

I have been wearing mine for six weeks and I feel like a totally different person. I do not ever remember being able to sit still and not feel pain. Maybe the reason I have kept so active. I have been sleeping through the night which is a miracle. In the past my stomach would create so much pain it would wake me several times. Like Cheryl I have tried everything. This past year has been the hardest. I had stopped eating after 6:00 at night so I can get some sort of resemblance to sleep. I had stopped eating large meals at anytime during the day. I had made drinking digestive teas a daily habit. And most of you know that I eat an extremely good diet. Being married to a vegetarian has taken virtually all red meat from my diet and replaced it with an abundance of fruit and vegetables. I shop for organic all natural foods whenever possible and yet it had made little difference.

As I write this letter to you I am on a flight with my children to England. We are spending the new year celebration in London. In the past this would be very stressful for me. I would be worrying about my stomach and whether I would be able to enjoy the vacation with them. And now I sit here with my stomach absolutely pain free. My thoughts are on the future not just this trip but the rest of my life. The most amazing thing is how open my mind is to think about all that is possible living a life free of pain.

Oh and my last thoughts I would like to share is like wearing Spanks I look fantastic. I fit into all my jeans with room to spare and feel reunited with my body that I actually like. Can you believe after holiday season full of food that you can feel fabulous? Whether you live with pain or simply want to look and feel fantastic you can too. For more information on Body Magic call me. I am determined to help others begin to live life fully.