Hope - How do YOU find it?

Last night I watched the movie Milk. It is one of those movies that is up for all these awards but you never got around to seeing it but since it is award worthy you rent it. It was excellent. One of the famous lines in the movie is when Harvey Milk says, "Without hope there is no reason to live". This morning my husband asked me this question, "Where do you find hope"?

I have been reflecting all day on the word hope and what it means. I know that I am very passionate about helping others to find hope. That is easy for me. Whether it is in the real estate field or within my immediate sphere, to watch a persons face or hear it in their voice when they finally find hope is priceless. That feeling keeps me going when I want to give up. I know that this last year it has been hard to get through to people. There are so many people that are not in the right place to receive.

The movie portrays Harvey finding his passion to change the world through changing the way people think of gay rights as being equal to the rights of all citizens. To think that this was 1973 (not that long ago) and that gays had very few rights is unbelievable. They were not allowed to teach children for the fear that our children would turn gay. Can you imagine thinking that children can be taught to be gay? So Harvey found himself in a position to give hope through using politics to represent the gay community in changing legislature for equal rights. What a big job. It seemed impossible. Without hope for freedom I can see how the gay community would think that life would not be worth living. Harvey gave people hope through bringing them a voice to the government through public office. So where does someone like Harvey get their hope? What he did for equal rights in a span of 5 years is amazing. He had to have known where to go to find his own hope.

In my darkest moments I have lost hope and I have felt that life may not be worth it. So I do know the value of hope. So where do I get hope for me? Do I wait for someone else to bring it to me? If I did wait I just might be waiting for a long time. I also know that hope collectively coming from a larger group does bring momentum for amazing change (you will see this in the movie so go rent it today). And to be one to inspire that is what I am passionate about. But I still need hope for me to give me momentum. Where is it? As I relected on my husbands question it seemed so unclear.

Whenever I feel unclear I get clarity. That means to stop "doing" and quiet your mind. To quiet my mind today I decided not to work instead I went to a spiritual center. I love the inspiration messages and I find someone else saying them out loud even more powerful. I also love the music. I left the center renewed. I felt hopeful. Wow! I found it.

So the moral to this story is that it does not matter where others get it. What matters is finding out where you get yours. As Kim Lampe says, "find what fuels you" (check out her website at www.believeactgo.blogspot.com). This next week quiet your mind and reflect on the word "hope" and my wish for you is that you find it.

"It's not what you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not"

I Know What Happens in 2012 - We Go Right

Every since seeing this video a few months ago on stroke victims I have been fascinated with the human brain. We know that the brain is split in two parts. One side we call “left brained” and the other “right brained”. Studies have shown that a large percentage of men operate from the left and women from the right. We know that the left side is the rational logical side of our brain and the right is relational and emotional.

Our society has been operating vastly from the left for quite a few hundred years. This era has been referred to as the suppression of the female/right side. We know as humans that are nature is to operate with balance; yin/yang, black/white, dark/light but yet we have let the left brain to dominate. Hence the results of our society’s woes of today. This has created the opportunity to play off our right side. How will creating balance change what is going on today?

Let’s discuss humans and their physical forms. We know that our bodies physical existence is dependent on 20 identified amino acids. These 20 are made of combinations of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen and hydrogen. Mathematics tells us that there should actually 64 combinations of these four but yet we have only identified 20. Where are the other 44 combinations? And if we could tap into those how would we evolve? What are we missing? Could it be that until we are balanced in our true nature we will not experience our full capabilities? By suppressing the right side of the brain are we holding ourselves back? It is obvious in our physical realities of today that something is surely missing.

In suppressing the right side we have suppressed our emotions. Scientists have proven that there are two emotions in the human brain that is fear or love. You do not have to think to long to realize that fear is not suppressed in our current human existence. It is every where. So are we suppressing love? If we could let it out will it open up our potential for evolution? Will we see more amino acids? It is fascinating to think of the opportunities. Next time fear is staring you in the face, reach for balance by throwing love back at it. It will always win.

He Said I Was Dog Poo

A couple days ago I went to see the movie, “He’s Just Not into you” by myself. A couple years ago when the book came out I refused to read it. My perception was that it would be one of those men bashing books and at the time I was getting married and it just did not fit into my life. So why now did I want to see the movie? First, I love the cast. How can one not think a movie will be worth a few bucks when it has Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Afflack, Scarlett Johansson and more? Second, I knew there was a strong message and I really wanted to see how it may apply to me. And boy was there was a message alright.
The first scene of the movie is a little girl noticing a little boy in the park. As soon as the boy notices her he approaches her and pushes her down. She is still down when she asked why he did it and he says, “Because you stink like dog poo”. He proceeds to say that she not only stinks like dog poo but that she is dog poo. The little girl with tears in her eyes runs to her Mom. Mom gives the little girl a big hug and asks why she is crying. The little girl says, “the boy in the park says I am dog poop”. Her Mom grabs her shoulders looks her in the eyes and says, “Is that true”? The little girl shakes her head no. Mom’s next action emotionally scars the little girl in a way that she will carry for years. Mom says, “boys do that when the like you”. The look on the little girls face is priceless. Now roll that scene out 20 years. She grows up and believes that when men are brash, disrespectful and demeaning it means they must love her. Can you see the pattern? How would things have been different if Mom had stopped after, “Is that true” and had just given her another hug?
What really left me speechless was the fact that I have said similar things to my own daughter. I do not remember my Mother saying similar things to me but I have similar thoughts that have to come from somewhere. I was not told that I was dog poo, but I was told by my Dad that I talk too much and that I did not deserve a nice guy. I was left alone to fend for myself by both my parents which made me feel invisible. I need not go any further to describe the love interests I have been attracted to in my lifetime. I am sure you get the drift.
In the movie the little girl did not stand up for herself. She just ran to her Mom. I got to thinking about how I reacted as a child to similar encounters. And I realized that how one reacts defines your future relationships just as much as the incident itself. I can tell you that I did not stay lying down and did not run to Mom. That would have been the last person I would have told. So what did I do? I would stand up walk up to the boy look him in the eyes and I would say, “You will eventually regret what you just did”. Then I would calmly walk away. Then what happens? Let’s just say the few people in my life that did call me poop (figuratively speaking-I was never actually called poop) still apologize today. My way of getting even is by strategically planning to alienate them and ultimately make them feel invisible. Hmm. Invisible that sounds familiar. How has this served me? Not well. If my partner makes a mistake they regret it and eventually they stay away to avoid getting stung. Would you blame them? I don’t.
After I was finished being hard on myself and my parents, I got to thinking that all parent’s do the best they can given their circumstances. And we all have similar experiences with our care givers so romantic love will always be filled with drama and exposing childhood wounds will be painful. Does it really have to be that way? What do we tell that little girl who is lying on the ground who just got called dog poo? We tell her to stand up, look him in the eyes lovingly with sympathy and tell him that it is unfortunate that he treats people that way and that she is not dog poo. Then she should walk away confidently. We cannot protect our kids from these inevitable childhood encounters but we can prepare them. As adults we can go to all kinds of therapy, spend money on relationships seminars and read books on the subject to our hearts desire but our world still remains wounded. The key to healing our culture is through our children. The next generation does not need to carry on our wounds and they do not deserve to see themselves as dog poo. The next time you see a child either on the receiving end or sending end of a typical childhood bullish encounter, remember that this incident can define their relationships for years to come. Do something from love and compassion, even if that something is a hug.

Facebook - It’s Not Just Just a Pretty Face

I recently attended a networking happy hour and found myself in the middle of a very interesting conversation about Facebook. I had started it by sharing that I had an appointment the next morning that resulted from someone from my past finding me on Facebook. Before I had a chance to explain how I knew him (I had interviewed him for a loan officer position when I owned a mortgage company years ago) the comments came flying out. I heard things like; did you know that they kicked 90,000 perverts off Facebook today. I heard frustrations about having to check another mail box every day. I heard about how the people on Facebook are only interested in posting silly photos of them doing things other than work. I heard comments on how this was a tool for Mom’s to stalk their kids and how their employers banned the use of Facebook at work. Numerous people concluded that this was a tool that could never be used for business and would eventually lose its momentum.

I recall a very similar conversation in the mid nineties when it came to obtaining information on homes for sale on the internet. I was new to getting my real estate license and a coworker saw me sending home information through my email to a prospective Bed & Breakfast buyer. He spared no time in suggesting to me that this was a terrible idea. That I should NEVER give prospects too much information and that this computer emailing thing would run its course and go away (he preceded to hand me one of those huge MLS paper books that were outdated the minute they were printed). I reacted the same way then as I did at this networking event, quietly giggled knowing that I have a tool that I plan to use for business that others will take years to accept and moved the conversation along.

Several years ago a good friend and mentor assisted me in creating a website that was intended to create and maintain human connections amongst people in a community. This tool would be a way to create communication between people, list events and supply community information. Hey that sounds like Facebook. I guess we were ahead of our time.

I will admit that my first reason to join Facebook was to watch my kids. The word “stalking” is too strong; however I have been banned from writing on their wall (I did not even know what a wall was- now I am flustered about poking). I can tell you that I quickly got over my initial fear of this new communication tool and now I see the enormous potential for personal and professional use. I have been “granted permission” to connect with people that I have tried over several years to connect with that are friends of friends of mine. It has been a great tool to assist me in writing my book and promoting my blog. I have been using it to keep my friends abreast of what is happening in the real estate industry. It has resulted in reconnecting with people that I met in business years ago that I had wished to remain in touch with but life just happened and our connection withered. Last but not least it allows me to quickly see what my friends are up to and make quick comments to let them know that I am thinking about them. I think this is a great way to stay connected. You may or may not choose to ride the Facebook wave; however just like emailing you just may someday find yourself having to set up a profile as a requirement to be accepted into a personal or professional group. If you are on Facebook look me up and let’s stay connected. Until next time remember that we enjoy the beauty of a butterfly, but rarely acknowledge the changes it has gone through to achieve its amazing beauty.

Castaway

Have you ever felt like you are alone on an island? Some people physically create their lives that way. Some people create emotional barriers resulting in being alone. And sometimes things happen in life that leaves you alone temporarily physically and emotionally.
This past week I pulled notes out from a team building meeting that I had organized for my team almost 10 years ago. A third party came in to facilitate. The first exercise he conducted was about a visualization technique in which we imagined being left on a tropical island. There were roles on the island and we had to discuss who was going to do what and why. The last thing was finding a raft that would allow one person to get back. We had to each write down who would be the one and why. And then we had to write why we did not pick each of the others. Then of course share it with the group. There were 7 of us and you could not vote yourself as the one for the raft adventure. So who was chosen the lucky one to go back on the raft? Yep it was me. So how did that make me feel? Ironically I had just seen the movie Castaway. If you have seen the movie the trip back on the raft was a long and torturous. In fact I remember thinking that I would have considered staying back on the island and living on coconuts. I felt honored, humbled and overwhelmed. My team felt that I would be the most likely to make it back on the raft and the most likely to change the world once I got back. It was obvious that they had more confidence in me then I had. Once the session was over I was relieved. I was relieved because the situation was never going to happen. Or so I thought.
Looking back over this past year it could be described as a torturous raft adventure. I started on a cozy relaxing tropical paradise with a team of competent individuals who slowly over time disappeared. The cozy relaxing island is now a small office full of empty cubicles. The mail boxes that use to be so full that you had to pick your mail up everyday are now empty except with a handful of bills for me. In those days if you did not pick up your phone messages daily the caller would receive the message, “this box is full”. Every day I wake up with the voice in my head saying, “you are most likely to change the world”. I send emails to people I know to find new connections, I use LinkedIn & Facebook, and I meet for coffee, lunch with whomever I think might assist me in changing the world. This past year may have been lonely at times, had ups and downs like a roller coaster but it has not been torturous. Rather it has been a time of reflection, meeting new people, reacquainting with people from my past and most of all a time to see opportunities that someone like me can be involved in that can change the world. I am grateful for the raft that I have been on and look forward to reaching shore. But most of all I am grateful for the team that I had built for seeing in me what I had not seen in myself.

Do you have more questions then answers?

True transformation requires courage. Courage to ask ourselves the difficult questions that seem to have no answers. And courage to hold these questions firmly as we contemplate what is an illusion and what is our true authentic self. These times of questioning are not our weakest moments. These are the moments of real clarity and consciousness. This is when we are truly living.

Celebrate Lives Transitions

I am reading a great book by Barbara D’Angelis called, “How Did I Get Here?” Our lives are full of turning points. Times that come that quite frankly feel like being hit by a freight train. These are times we call unexpected and inconvenient. These are the times that after we have shed tears we can still feel the pain in our chest. Making the logical response, “how did I get here and what is the purpose”? What we tend to forget is that these are also the time of amazing growth. I want to share this story with you.
A woman who always considered herself clever and capable died at the end of a long life and found herself waiting for an interview with God. Time seemed to be nonexistent as she waited alone in a light filled room with no ceilings, walls or floor. “What will God ask me?” she wondered. “I was never much of a deep thinker. What if he asks me about the meaning of life? I won’t know what to say. I could always tell the truth. I was too busy being successful to think about that kind of thing. After all, my accomplishments have been very impressive and even God should be able to see that!”
With intense concentration, she tried to recall all of the marvelous things she had achieved during her lifetime, so she would be prepared to talk to God. Suddenly God appeared before her and sat down next to her. “It is good to see you, “God began. “So tell me, how do you think you did?” The woman breathed an enormous sigh of relief to hear that this was the question God was asking. She was sure she could answer this right. Feeling confident she began: “Well, I thought you might ask that, so I’ve made a short list. I wanted to own my own business so I could have a flexible schedule for my kids and become financially successful, I did that wanted to put my children through college and I did that too. I wanted to own a luxurious home, and I did that. I wanted to learn to play golf and I did that. I wanted a cabin up north so I did that. Oh, I can’t forget this one, I wanted to donate money to worthy causes on a regular basis, and I did that.” The woman felt quite satisfied with herself, hearing her own list. Surely God was going to be proud.
“So in conclusion,” she declared, “I would say without wanting to brag, that I did very well, considering I accomplished most of the things I set out to do. But of course, since you are God you knew all of this already.” God smiled kindly at the woman. “Actually, you’re mistaken.”
“Mistaken?” the woman asked. “I don’t understand.” “You are mistaken, “God repeated, “Because I wasn’t paying attention to the goals you achieved.” The woman was taken aback. “You weren’t? But, I thought ….” “I know,” God interrupted. “Everyone thinks the better their life went, the more successful their life was. But it doesn’t work that way up here. I didn’t pay attention to all the times you got what you expected and hoped for, for that wouldn’t teach me much about what you were learning in your earthly existence. I was watching you most closely during all those difficult times when you encountered the unexpected, the things you did not plan on or want to happen. You see, it is how you dealt with these that reflect the growth and wisdom of your soul.”
The woman was stunned. She’d gotten it all wrong! She’d spend her whole life trying to do everything right. “How should I know what lessons I learned from life’s difficult moments?” she wondered in a panic. “I never even liked to admit I had any problems. What am I suppose to tell God now?”
For a moment, she was speechless, but I was never one for enjoying defeat, she soon got a second wind of energy. “Don’t just sit here!! She told herself firmly. “You never lost a negotiation on earth. Try again!” Gathering up all of her confidence, she began once more:
“Well, to tell the truth, God, I was just being polite before. Actually, my life was hell! What hardships, what disappointments, what tests and trials! Let me tell you about the time my mother-in-law moved in with us. And then there was the time I passed kidney stones. And my youngest son, he was nothing but trouble. And my husband, don’t get me started on my husband or I’ll be here forever ….”
“Take your time, “God replied. “I’m in no hurry …..”