I recently attended a networking happy hour and found myself in the middle of a very interesting conversation about Facebook. I had started it by sharing that I had an appointment the next morning that resulted from someone from my past finding me on Facebook. Before I had a chance to explain how I knew him (I had interviewed him for a loan officer position when I owned a mortgage company years ago) the comments came flying out. I heard things like; did you know that they kicked 90,000 perverts off Facebook today. I heard frustrations about having to check another mail box every day. I heard about how the people on Facebook are only interested in posting silly photos of them doing things other than work. I heard comments on how this was a tool for Mom’s to stalk their kids and how their employers banned the use of Facebook at work. Numerous people concluded that this was a tool that could never be used for business and would eventually lose its momentum.
I recall a very similar conversation in the mid nineties when it came to obtaining information on homes for sale on the internet. I was new to getting my real estate license and a coworker saw me sending home information through my email to a prospective Bed & Breakfast buyer. He spared no time in suggesting to me that this was a terrible idea. That I should NEVER give prospects too much information and that this computer emailing thing would run its course and go away (he preceded to hand me one of those huge MLS paper books that were outdated the minute they were printed). I reacted the same way then as I did at this networking event, quietly giggled knowing that I have a tool that I plan to use for business that others will take years to accept and moved the conversation along.
Several years ago a good friend and mentor assisted me in creating a website that was intended to create and maintain human connections amongst people in a community. This tool would be a way to create communication between people, list events and supply community information. Hey that sounds like Facebook. I guess we were ahead of our time.
I will admit that my first reason to join Facebook was to watch my kids. The word “stalking” is too strong; however I have been banned from writing on their wall (I did not even know what a wall was- now I am flustered about poking). I can tell you that I quickly got over my initial fear of this new communication tool and now I see the enormous potential for personal and professional use. I have been “granted permission” to connect with people that I have tried over several years to connect with that are friends of friends of mine. It has been a great tool to assist me in writing my book and promoting my blog. I have been using it to keep my friends abreast of what is happening in the real estate industry. It has resulted in reconnecting with people that I met in business years ago that I had wished to remain in touch with but life just happened and our connection withered. Last but not least it allows me to quickly see what my friends are up to and make quick comments to let them know that I am thinking about them. I think this is a great way to stay connected. You may or may not choose to ride the Facebook wave; however just like emailing you just may someday find yourself having to set up a profile as a requirement to be accepted into a personal or professional group. If you are on Facebook look me up and let’s stay connected. Until next time remember that we enjoy the beauty of a butterfly, but rarely acknowledge the changes it has gone through to achieve its amazing beauty.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Castaway
Have you ever felt like you are alone on an island? Some people physically create their lives that way. Some people create emotional barriers resulting in being alone. And sometimes things happen in life that leaves you alone temporarily physically and emotionally.
This past week I pulled notes out from a team building meeting that I had organized for my team almost 10 years ago. A third party came in to facilitate. The first exercise he conducted was about a visualization technique in which we imagined being left on a tropical island. There were roles on the island and we had to discuss who was going to do what and why. The last thing was finding a raft that would allow one person to get back. We had to each write down who would be the one and why. And then we had to write why we did not pick each of the others. Then of course share it with the group. There were 7 of us and you could not vote yourself as the one for the raft adventure. So who was chosen the lucky one to go back on the raft? Yep it was me. So how did that make me feel? Ironically I had just seen the movie Castaway. If you have seen the movie the trip back on the raft was a long and torturous. In fact I remember thinking that I would have considered staying back on the island and living on coconuts. I felt honored, humbled and overwhelmed. My team felt that I would be the most likely to make it back on the raft and the most likely to change the world once I got back. It was obvious that they had more confidence in me then I had. Once the session was over I was relieved. I was relieved because the situation was never going to happen. Or so I thought.
Looking back over this past year it could be described as a torturous raft adventure. I started on a cozy relaxing tropical paradise with a team of competent individuals who slowly over time disappeared. The cozy relaxing island is now a small office full of empty cubicles. The mail boxes that use to be so full that you had to pick your mail up everyday are now empty except with a handful of bills for me. In those days if you did not pick up your phone messages daily the caller would receive the message, “this box is full”. Every day I wake up with the voice in my head saying, “you are most likely to change the world”. I send emails to people I know to find new connections, I use LinkedIn & Facebook, and I meet for coffee, lunch with whomever I think might assist me in changing the world. This past year may have been lonely at times, had ups and downs like a roller coaster but it has not been torturous. Rather it has been a time of reflection, meeting new people, reacquainting with people from my past and most of all a time to see opportunities that someone like me can be involved in that can change the world. I am grateful for the raft that I have been on and look forward to reaching shore. But most of all I am grateful for the team that I had built for seeing in me what I had not seen in myself.
This past week I pulled notes out from a team building meeting that I had organized for my team almost 10 years ago. A third party came in to facilitate. The first exercise he conducted was about a visualization technique in which we imagined being left on a tropical island. There were roles on the island and we had to discuss who was going to do what and why. The last thing was finding a raft that would allow one person to get back. We had to each write down who would be the one and why. And then we had to write why we did not pick each of the others. Then of course share it with the group. There were 7 of us and you could not vote yourself as the one for the raft adventure. So who was chosen the lucky one to go back on the raft? Yep it was me. So how did that make me feel? Ironically I had just seen the movie Castaway. If you have seen the movie the trip back on the raft was a long and torturous. In fact I remember thinking that I would have considered staying back on the island and living on coconuts. I felt honored, humbled and overwhelmed. My team felt that I would be the most likely to make it back on the raft and the most likely to change the world once I got back. It was obvious that they had more confidence in me then I had. Once the session was over I was relieved. I was relieved because the situation was never going to happen. Or so I thought.
Looking back over this past year it could be described as a torturous raft adventure. I started on a cozy relaxing tropical paradise with a team of competent individuals who slowly over time disappeared. The cozy relaxing island is now a small office full of empty cubicles. The mail boxes that use to be so full that you had to pick your mail up everyday are now empty except with a handful of bills for me. In those days if you did not pick up your phone messages daily the caller would receive the message, “this box is full”. Every day I wake up with the voice in my head saying, “you are most likely to change the world”. I send emails to people I know to find new connections, I use LinkedIn & Facebook, and I meet for coffee, lunch with whomever I think might assist me in changing the world. This past year may have been lonely at times, had ups and downs like a roller coaster but it has not been torturous. Rather it has been a time of reflection, meeting new people, reacquainting with people from my past and most of all a time to see opportunities that someone like me can be involved in that can change the world. I am grateful for the raft that I have been on and look forward to reaching shore. But most of all I am grateful for the team that I had built for seeing in me what I had not seen in myself.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Do you have more questions then answers?
True transformation requires courage. Courage to ask ourselves the difficult questions that seem to have no answers. And courage to hold these questions firmly as we contemplate what is an illusion and what is our true authentic self. These times of questioning are not our weakest moments. These are the moments of real clarity and consciousness. This is when we are truly living.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Celebrate Lives Transitions
I am reading a great book by Barbara D’Angelis called, “How Did I Get Here?” Our lives are full of turning points. Times that come that quite frankly feel like being hit by a freight train. These are times we call unexpected and inconvenient. These are the times that after we have shed tears we can still feel the pain in our chest. Making the logical response, “how did I get here and what is the purpose”? What we tend to forget is that these are also the time of amazing growth. I want to share this story with you.
A woman who always considered herself clever and capable died at the end of a long life and found herself waiting for an interview with God. Time seemed to be nonexistent as she waited alone in a light filled room with no ceilings, walls or floor. “What will God ask me?” she wondered. “I was never much of a deep thinker. What if he asks me about the meaning of life? I won’t know what to say. I could always tell the truth. I was too busy being successful to think about that kind of thing. After all, my accomplishments have been very impressive and even God should be able to see that!”
With intense concentration, she tried to recall all of the marvelous things she had achieved during her lifetime, so she would be prepared to talk to God. Suddenly God appeared before her and sat down next to her. “It is good to see you, “God began. “So tell me, how do you think you did?” The woman breathed an enormous sigh of relief to hear that this was the question God was asking. She was sure she could answer this right. Feeling confident she began: “Well, I thought you might ask that, so I’ve made a short list. I wanted to own my own business so I could have a flexible schedule for my kids and become financially successful, I did that wanted to put my children through college and I did that too. I wanted to own a luxurious home, and I did that. I wanted to learn to play golf and I did that. I wanted a cabin up north so I did that. Oh, I can’t forget this one, I wanted to donate money to worthy causes on a regular basis, and I did that.” The woman felt quite satisfied with herself, hearing her own list. Surely God was going to be proud.
“So in conclusion,” she declared, “I would say without wanting to brag, that I did very well, considering I accomplished most of the things I set out to do. But of course, since you are God you knew all of this already.” God smiled kindly at the woman. “Actually, you’re mistaken.”
“Mistaken?” the woman asked. “I don’t understand.” “You are mistaken, “God repeated, “Because I wasn’t paying attention to the goals you achieved.” The woman was taken aback. “You weren’t? But, I thought ….” “I know,” God interrupted. “Everyone thinks the better their life went, the more successful their life was. But it doesn’t work that way up here. I didn’t pay attention to all the times you got what you expected and hoped for, for that wouldn’t teach me much about what you were learning in your earthly existence. I was watching you most closely during all those difficult times when you encountered the unexpected, the things you did not plan on or want to happen. You see, it is how you dealt with these that reflect the growth and wisdom of your soul.”
The woman was stunned. She’d gotten it all wrong! She’d spend her whole life trying to do everything right. “How should I know what lessons I learned from life’s difficult moments?” she wondered in a panic. “I never even liked to admit I had any problems. What am I suppose to tell God now?”
For a moment, she was speechless, but I was never one for enjoying defeat, she soon got a second wind of energy. “Don’t just sit here!! She told herself firmly. “You never lost a negotiation on earth. Try again!” Gathering up all of her confidence, she began once more:
“Well, to tell the truth, God, I was just being polite before. Actually, my life was hell! What hardships, what disappointments, what tests and trials! Let me tell you about the time my mother-in-law moved in with us. And then there was the time I passed kidney stones. And my youngest son, he was nothing but trouble. And my husband, don’t get me started on my husband or I’ll be here forever ….”
“Take your time, “God replied. “I’m in no hurry …..”
A woman who always considered herself clever and capable died at the end of a long life and found herself waiting for an interview with God. Time seemed to be nonexistent as she waited alone in a light filled room with no ceilings, walls or floor. “What will God ask me?” she wondered. “I was never much of a deep thinker. What if he asks me about the meaning of life? I won’t know what to say. I could always tell the truth. I was too busy being successful to think about that kind of thing. After all, my accomplishments have been very impressive and even God should be able to see that!”
With intense concentration, she tried to recall all of the marvelous things she had achieved during her lifetime, so she would be prepared to talk to God. Suddenly God appeared before her and sat down next to her. “It is good to see you, “God began. “So tell me, how do you think you did?” The woman breathed an enormous sigh of relief to hear that this was the question God was asking. She was sure she could answer this right. Feeling confident she began: “Well, I thought you might ask that, so I’ve made a short list. I wanted to own my own business so I could have a flexible schedule for my kids and become financially successful, I did that wanted to put my children through college and I did that too. I wanted to own a luxurious home, and I did that. I wanted to learn to play golf and I did that. I wanted a cabin up north so I did that. Oh, I can’t forget this one, I wanted to donate money to worthy causes on a regular basis, and I did that.” The woman felt quite satisfied with herself, hearing her own list. Surely God was going to be proud.
“So in conclusion,” she declared, “I would say without wanting to brag, that I did very well, considering I accomplished most of the things I set out to do. But of course, since you are God you knew all of this already.” God smiled kindly at the woman. “Actually, you’re mistaken.”
“Mistaken?” the woman asked. “I don’t understand.” “You are mistaken, “God repeated, “Because I wasn’t paying attention to the goals you achieved.” The woman was taken aback. “You weren’t? But, I thought ….” “I know,” God interrupted. “Everyone thinks the better their life went, the more successful their life was. But it doesn’t work that way up here. I didn’t pay attention to all the times you got what you expected and hoped for, for that wouldn’t teach me much about what you were learning in your earthly existence. I was watching you most closely during all those difficult times when you encountered the unexpected, the things you did not plan on or want to happen. You see, it is how you dealt with these that reflect the growth and wisdom of your soul.”
The woman was stunned. She’d gotten it all wrong! She’d spend her whole life trying to do everything right. “How should I know what lessons I learned from life’s difficult moments?” she wondered in a panic. “I never even liked to admit I had any problems. What am I suppose to tell God now?”
For a moment, she was speechless, but I was never one for enjoying defeat, she soon got a second wind of energy. “Don’t just sit here!! She told herself firmly. “You never lost a negotiation on earth. Try again!” Gathering up all of her confidence, she began once more:
“Well, to tell the truth, God, I was just being polite before. Actually, my life was hell! What hardships, what disappointments, what tests and trials! Let me tell you about the time my mother-in-law moved in with us. And then there was the time I passed kidney stones. And my youngest son, he was nothing but trouble. And my husband, don’t get me started on my husband or I’ll be here forever ….”
“Take your time, “God replied. “I’m in no hurry …..”
Monday, January 26, 2009
Where Are My Mighty Queens?
This past week I had the chance to meet Amy Dickinson. She is he columnist for the Chicago Tribune (she is syndicated as well) that took over for Ann Landers. Her column is “Ask Amy”. She has recently written a book called, “Mighty Queens of Freeville”. The book is her story of moving back to her home town after being away the majority of her adult life as a successful professional writer raising her daughter as a single Mom. Not knowing what to expect returning she realized that she had missed the unconditional love and support of the women from her hometown. All the years alone she missed the advice from a special group of women who understand the daily struggles of women. This got me thinking about my own mighty queens.
I remember my high school click. Is that my mighty queens? From what Amy explains your mighty queens do not judge. In high school they judged. How about my women relatives? Amy explains that this group may in fact include relatives. Hers does. A might queens group is inclusive versus exclusive. It is a group that puts time aside for each other on a consistent basis. That is not my women relatives. The closest I can come is women network groups that I am involved in. The problem with these groups is that they are exclusive. In other words you belong to the group if you are an accepted member. There is nothing unconditional about it. Not to mention to admit to a business group that you have daily struggles (no matter what they are) would be a sign of weakness. Who wants weakness in business? Especially if you are a woman. So I conclude that I do not have my own mighty queens.
I have always been proud of the fact that I am a strong woman who can do things on her own. But after meeting Amy and contemplating what I may have missed I want to go to Freeville. When I feel alone I want a group of women that I can look forward to having lunch with. When I am struggling with my career I want a group of women that I can bounce ideas off from. When I miss my son who is off at college I want to have a group of women I can cry in front of. When I was going through a divorce I now know it would have been comforting to have women to turn to. So a trip to Freeville is on my “to do” list. However, I am not sure that Amy would be receptive to waves of women heading to her hometown. So creating a mighty queens group of my own in Minneapolis will be my next project. Anyone interested?
I remember my high school click. Is that my mighty queens? From what Amy explains your mighty queens do not judge. In high school they judged. How about my women relatives? Amy explains that this group may in fact include relatives. Hers does. A might queens group is inclusive versus exclusive. It is a group that puts time aside for each other on a consistent basis. That is not my women relatives. The closest I can come is women network groups that I am involved in. The problem with these groups is that they are exclusive. In other words you belong to the group if you are an accepted member. There is nothing unconditional about it. Not to mention to admit to a business group that you have daily struggles (no matter what they are) would be a sign of weakness. Who wants weakness in business? Especially if you are a woman. So I conclude that I do not have my own mighty queens.
I have always been proud of the fact that I am a strong woman who can do things on her own. But after meeting Amy and contemplating what I may have missed I want to go to Freeville. When I feel alone I want a group of women that I can look forward to having lunch with. When I am struggling with my career I want a group of women that I can bounce ideas off from. When I miss my son who is off at college I want to have a group of women I can cry in front of. When I was going through a divorce I now know it would have been comforting to have women to turn to. So a trip to Freeville is on my “to do” list. However, I am not sure that Amy would be receptive to waves of women heading to her hometown. So creating a mighty queens group of my own in Minneapolis will be my next project. Anyone interested?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Time Bankrupt
Due to the economics times we are faced with the whole idea of bankruptcy is everywhere, of course most of the time we are referring to financial bankruptcy. Bankruptcy is a devastating process and not just financially. The ramifications can be comparable to death and divorce. So what does bankruptcy mean? And do people start out with the intent to go bankrupt?
Last week I ran into a friend by the name of Karen. She used a new word that referred to bankruptcy that intrigued me. She said she was no longer going to let herself be time bankrupt. She is in her mid 50’s and has always used the excuse of not having enough time to pursue what she is truly passionate about. She told me that it was her intention in 2009 to not stand on the fact that she is time bankrupt to delay any longer what she is driven to do.
You have to hear the whole story of Karen. Karen has shown me the power of intention first hand. Over the holidays we were at a holiday event and the room was full (at least 100 people) and 6 ladies at our table. The event was an auction using paper money that we each had accumulated through various ways throughout the year. In addition to using this money at the auction they were also giving away cash prizes through drawings. Karen approached the table and declared that she was about to win some cash from the drawings. We giggled and in unison said “ya so are we”. Karen went on to say that she knew of a woman that professional entered giveaways for a living and was making 6 figures doing so and that she had every intention to be as successful as this women. I was taken aback slightly at her confidence and when she proceeded to win cash 2 times out of a dozen drawings (remember over 100 people in the room all with similar chances), I took a strong interest in her level of intention.
So when I ran in to her this past week I was very excited to check in with her results. She went on again about the power of intention so when she brought up the idea of being time bankrupt I was ready to listen. I also know the feeling of being time bankrupt. I know many women who have had this feeling.
In financial bankruptcy you spend more then you earn and if you do not decrease your expense and/or increase your income over time the situation caves in and it is inevitable to claim bankruptcy. Time bankruptcy is different in that we all have the same income we call “time”. It is 24 hours per day. You can’t get more and you can’t spend more. There is no such thing as getting a loan to cover the deficit. We all spend the same amount; 24 hours every day. So can we actually go time bankrupt? And what does Karen mean? Karen and I did discuss this and we agreed that we feel bankrupt when we spend most of our time on things that do not drive us. As women we all do it. We spend time on everyone else but ourselves. And at the end of the day we have spent all of our time. Nothing left for us individually and no time left to cultivate and sustain relationships with each other. Can we give up some of our time expenditures like obsessing on a clean house, keeping up with laundry, making healthy dinners every day? And lastly not asking for help on any of these things because others do not do it the way we want it to be done. At the end of the day we lose our relationships with our girlfriends and we lose ourselves.
What is your intention for 2009? Is there 1 hour a day that you can give back to yourself? Is there 1 hour a month that you can give to a close friendship that needs attention? I challenge you to join Karen and me in having the intend to avoid going time bankrupt.
Last week I ran into a friend by the name of Karen. She used a new word that referred to bankruptcy that intrigued me. She said she was no longer going to let herself be time bankrupt. She is in her mid 50’s and has always used the excuse of not having enough time to pursue what she is truly passionate about. She told me that it was her intention in 2009 to not stand on the fact that she is time bankrupt to delay any longer what she is driven to do.
You have to hear the whole story of Karen. Karen has shown me the power of intention first hand. Over the holidays we were at a holiday event and the room was full (at least 100 people) and 6 ladies at our table. The event was an auction using paper money that we each had accumulated through various ways throughout the year. In addition to using this money at the auction they were also giving away cash prizes through drawings. Karen approached the table and declared that she was about to win some cash from the drawings. We giggled and in unison said “ya so are we”. Karen went on to say that she knew of a woman that professional entered giveaways for a living and was making 6 figures doing so and that she had every intention to be as successful as this women. I was taken aback slightly at her confidence and when she proceeded to win cash 2 times out of a dozen drawings (remember over 100 people in the room all with similar chances), I took a strong interest in her level of intention.
So when I ran in to her this past week I was very excited to check in with her results. She went on again about the power of intention so when she brought up the idea of being time bankrupt I was ready to listen. I also know the feeling of being time bankrupt. I know many women who have had this feeling.
In financial bankruptcy you spend more then you earn and if you do not decrease your expense and/or increase your income over time the situation caves in and it is inevitable to claim bankruptcy. Time bankruptcy is different in that we all have the same income we call “time”. It is 24 hours per day. You can’t get more and you can’t spend more. There is no such thing as getting a loan to cover the deficit. We all spend the same amount; 24 hours every day. So can we actually go time bankrupt? And what does Karen mean? Karen and I did discuss this and we agreed that we feel bankrupt when we spend most of our time on things that do not drive us. As women we all do it. We spend time on everyone else but ourselves. And at the end of the day we have spent all of our time. Nothing left for us individually and no time left to cultivate and sustain relationships with each other. Can we give up some of our time expenditures like obsessing on a clean house, keeping up with laundry, making healthy dinners every day? And lastly not asking for help on any of these things because others do not do it the way we want it to be done. At the end of the day we lose our relationships with our girlfriends and we lose ourselves.
What is your intention for 2009? Is there 1 hour a day that you can give back to yourself? Is there 1 hour a month that you can give to a close friendship that needs attention? I challenge you to join Karen and me in having the intend to avoid going time bankrupt.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Why Pray if Things are Going Great
It is interesting that we pray the least when we need it the most. When times are good we keep ourselves so busy that we forget about prayer. Life is an ebb and flow and when times are good they will flow the other way soon. Then we pray and expect miracles for ourselves because we are struggling. I am guilty of this. And what I realized is that I am only praying for myself if it only comes to mind when I struggle. If I was praying with the intent of something outside myself I would be doing it all the time. So my new years resolution is to pray more. And I will always find a place in prayer for others.
I received these two prayers today from my website www.MessagesForWomen.com today and I would like to share them with you.
I just wanted to tell everyone that I am so grateful to have each of you in my life. May everyone who received this message be blessed. Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. There is no cost, just a lot of reward. Make sure you pray, and pray believing God will answer. May today be all you need it to be. May the peace of God and the freshness of the Holy Spirit rest in your thoughts, rule in your dreams tonight, and conquer all your fears. May God manifest himself today in ways you have never experienced. May your joys be fulfilled, your dreams be closer, and your prayers be answered. I pray t hat faith enters a new height for you; I pray that your territory is enlarged. I pray for peace, healing, health, happiness, prosperity, joy, true and undying love for God. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED - To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be. Dear God: The lady reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and I love her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most, and let her know when she walks with you, She will always be safe. Love you Sis!!!!
I received these two prayers today from my website www.MessagesForWomen.com today and I would like to share them with you.
I just wanted to tell everyone that I am so grateful to have each of you in my life. May everyone who received this message be blessed. Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. There is no cost, just a lot of reward. Make sure you pray, and pray believing God will answer. May today be all you need it to be. May the peace of God and the freshness of the Holy Spirit rest in your thoughts, rule in your dreams tonight, and conquer all your fears. May God manifest himself today in ways you have never experienced. May your joys be fulfilled, your dreams be closer, and your prayers be answered. I pray t hat faith enters a new height for you; I pray that your territory is enlarged. I pray for peace, healing, health, happiness, prosperity, joy, true and undying love for God. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED - To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be. Dear God: The lady reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and I love her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most, and let her know when she walks with you, She will always be safe. Love you Sis!!!!
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