Did I Live? Did I Love? Did I Matter?

I have been asking people how they would answer these three questions and it is amazing how it really stops people for a moment to reflect. There are always the fast responders that are thinking in terms of themselves (which those types do a lot of). Their answers are quite entertaining. There are things like “yes - you should have seen me in college” or “I love all the girls” or better yet “I live for my passion (like its tangible)”, “I love nature” and “I love what I do”. This particular response actually made me sad, “they can’t do without me at work so I must matter”. The more reflective types understand that it is not about the logistics of living. It is about living and loving beyond yourself.

After numerous discussions with others I have come up with my unique answers to each. Let’s take each one at a time. Did I live? I lived because I did things that I was afraid of that others thought was crazy. I lived because when the voice in my head said run, I asked why? I lived because I asked for help and accepted help. I lived because I let others have what they wanted while I went without. I lived because I risked relationships to have them. I lived because I brought joy to the lives of people around me regardless if they deserved it. I lived because I seek to understand versus always trying to be understood. I lived in empathy without reckless abandon. I lived because I understand that life is not about obtaining perfection. It is about the journey and that the ups are great and the downs are necessary for growth. Finally, I lived because I accepted the whole package that was given to me by my God and I lived consciously as much as possible as not to take it for granted.

Did I love? Of course I love my husband, parents and my kids. I can say I loved at least one set of grandparents. And I believe those closest to me would say that I am a loving person. But did I love?? I know that when I have live consciously I feel love so deeply that my chest hurts. Living consciously allows my heart to open for not only giving but receiving. Love can not be done unconsciously and when it is it is inauthentic. Authentic love is not the quick “I love you” at the bottom of an email. I have loved someone enough to let go and still I have not given up on love. I have been told I love too much. Can that really happen? I see differences in people as amazing not annoying. I can look into someone’s eyes lovingly and my heart begins to hurt enough to cause tears. Living is to empathy as loving is to compassion. I have loved beyond understanding to making a difference by not just what I say but by what you do.

Did I matter? I recently lost a good friend named Mark. Back several years ago Mark pointed out a fear that kept showing up in my behavior that was holding me back. Because he was living consciously in empathy he was able to see this. And because he loved me he pointed it out and was able to help. Over the next few years I invested a lot of time asking for help from Mark and others to support me with this emotional struggle. It was an amazing time in my life for growth and I was not alone. That was when I felt compassion for the first time. When Mark passed I asked myself, “Did Mark matter”? He made a difference in my life by not just what he said but by what he did. Yes he mattered. Like Mark I have lived consciously with empathy and loved with compassion. So, yes at the end of my journey I will have mattered

This is dedicated to my friend Mark Lindblad. To experience Mark’s contribution in life go to http://www.onyourmarkcoaching.com/
“Death is not extinguishing the light;it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come.”--Rabindranath Tagore