I have been reflecting on the difference between these words and wondering how they relate to the relationship between women. First of all we as women know what being supportive is. The maternal nature that we vibrate is always supportive. We are supportive of are husbands (even when they may not deserve it). We are supportive of are co-workers. In general our dna creates this in us. Now let's look at the other word. The definition of the two are as follows:
Supporting: upholding, aiding, shielding, promoting
Supportive: furnishing support or assistance
These two words are indeed similar but very different. Being supporting provides an "in the moment" very hands out visual. Versus being supportive which is creates more of a "hands off" visual. Think about this when it comes to your children (which is why I did not include this above). We are way more then supportive to our children. We are supporting. Now that gives you a different visual and quite a different feeling (you can feel the weight in your shoulders and neck). And we also tend to be more supporting then supportive in our role with our aging parents. Necessarily so.
So maybe when you see the woman standing where you stood you hesitate to help. Could it be that we are so supporting in some relationships that we just do not have any energy left. And that being generally supportive is all that we have. Think about people in your life who have been supportive. Now think about people who might be supporting you. And finally maybe we tend to be shy to be actively supporting because we have a hard time accepting someone supporting us???
The other night I was at a function for my husband's work and I met a wife of one of his co-workers. She is also a real estate agent. We began exchanging stories of what we were going through. She said, "I have never been in a place where my husband has had to be supporting me financiall" and then she finished by, "I find it really uncomfortable". Wow! It was like she was the voice in my head coming out of her mouth. Ouch. I think I found out why I have been feeling a sense of desparation. After all these years of supporting others maybe I need to accept that it is time for me to allow others to give the same.
Any thoughts out there?
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As I relate this to work, I see women in leadership roles that need to do less supporting and be more supportive. Give your team members the tools and allow them to fail (and learn) and with your guidance can be supportive of their (the team's) success.
We can over do the supporting and get bitter in some cases (I could go on and on about my ex mother-in-law on this one). In general women are uncomfortable when we are not DOING (hands on). Let my child fail? Are you kidding. they might just learn a lesson and not need us anymore.
Regarding being the main bread winner, my husband, for the first time in 15 years of marriage carries the insurance and is the main bread winner. It's like a weight is lifted off of me, but have insecurity from losing my control freakiness.
With my youngest child I am the enabler. My supporting will come back to haunt me if I don't get this one under control.
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