What are you waiting for?

Since we are on the subject of death I want to share a story about my close friend Julie. Julie passed away June 6, 2006. Julie was the age I am now, 44. Julie and I had known each for years. She was the girlfriend that you have while you are raising children. We were pregnant with our first babies together. We worked together at the time so being pregnant together we ate together. And we were fortunate for our pregnancies were great and we loved to eat. We would each bring 3 bag lunches and still buy snacks throughout the day. Time passed we had more children and they grew up. We went through not only child bearing ages but career changes together and had each other to go through the typical challenges one faces during that time of a women's life. It was a perfect for both of us. We understood each other. We knew the pressures on our time and made no pressures on each other for more time then we had to give. We were just there with total empathy for one another. Julie was diagnosed with lung cancer two years prior to her death. And we went through that together. We would continue to meet for lunch and eat (when her chemo would allow her to) and then shop after looking for the latest fashionable scarf she could buy to hide her beautiful soft head. She had beautiful skin which is a blessing when losing your hair. She fought her lung cancer like a soldier. After the long year and a half battle she won lung cancer. Unfortunately December of 2005 she was diagnosed with a canerous brain tumor. I was convinced that she could and should fight again. I arranged to take her to Mexico to a holistic clinic. Within a couple weeks of making the plans she called and said that the doctors were giving her strong indications of hope and that she would not need to go. I believed her or maybe I was in denial. What I did not know then what I found out later was that she knew the severity of the situation and chose to live the balance of her life with quality. On April 14th Julie and I met for lunch and golf (another activity that we enjoyed together). We had a great day. When we were done I was helping her load her clubs and she said, "Sue what are you waiting for?". I was thrown off guard somewhat as I did not know what she was referencing. I assumed it was regarding the romantic relationship that I was in. I had received an engagement ring a couple months prior from my boyfriend and within the previous few days he had called it off as far as a specific timeframe. Julie passed 7 weeks later. She left me the gift of her voice in my head saying "what are you waiting for?. What I realize since is that it did not have to do with a romantic relationship it had to do with life. There is not a day that goes by where my fears jump in and try to limit me. And then I go to the gift Julie left me and ask myself, "what are you waiting for?". I miss Julie terribly. And what I miss most is the kinship shared between two women. There is the understanding and comfort that you get from another woman that has stood where you stand. The one thing I have always had a hard time understanging my whole life is why women do not give to women, like Julie and I did, more. Why is it that I do not have a dozen Julie's today? What am I waiting for?????